Dawn of a new beginning

2009-04-18T10:04:00.000-07:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|	16%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Humanitarian	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Family drive	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Honor	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Thriftiness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality test by similarminds.com

2009-04-17T03:18:00.000-07:00

More personality test:

Which Arch Angel Are You?

Uriel (Enlightenment of God)
Wise and understanding,you are Uriel the angel of the arts. You are very intellegent and have a deep understanding of things. You see things most people tend to overlook. You are creative and love every form of art. Uriel is associated with Wind. You are unique and people tend to come to you for advice.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

For this other one I have 3 results because I have 3 answers of which I wanted to pick.

What Real Life Demon Are You?

Lucifer (The Morning Light)
You are a being of rebellion and sorrow. Lucifer was the most high ranking archangel but his rebellion caused him to be cast out of paradise. You despise the one that caused you so much pain, you live on youre hate and want revenge. Though filled with hatred deep down you are vulnerable. You have had a hard existence and it tears you up inside. Memories of better days still appear in your mind. However you are the kind who will not say Im sorry. Definitely a smoothe talker, you have a silver tongue and your personality gains you many minions.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What Real Life Demon Are You?

Belial (The Bringer of Guilt)
You are Belial The Worthless. You have absolutely no sympathy or regrets and you delight in causing misery in the lives of humans. You are far from being called a peacemaker because you love to watch loved ones fighting. You spread vicious lies and cause great discord then sit back and watch the fire works. Belial was thought to be the father of Lucifer and Belial convinced him to turn on his Loving Master. Though a truly evil figure you never loose your cool and remain calm and collected.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What Real Life Demon Are You?

Lilith (Demon of Night and Storms)
One word would describe you and the word is,Complicated. When the sun goes down you come out. You are a being of sexual desire and a bringer of death. You use your beauty and enthralling nature to get what you want. A master of manipulation, appearing as a sweet,innocent figure then transforming into a horrible monster to devour your enemies.
Lilith is terrible demon who loves to feed on the living truly a creature of pure darkness.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

Some random test I did for fun.

Whats your sex style?

Fierce Sex Style
Straight to it! No time for kissing and touching here... Maybe the heat of the moment...But always great! Leaving them wanting MORE EACH TIME!!!!!!

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

Which Tim Burton character are you?

Sally the Rag Doll
You are Sally the Rag Doll, you know who you love and you know that you really do love them. The only problem is that they don't know your feelings. Because of your shy and clumsy nature you are unsure of yourself and if the one you love would love you in return. But no worries, one day he/she will notice and reveal to you that they've cared all along.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What's your inner spirit?

Fox
You are sly and cunning. You have a wily personality and You tend to stay away from trouble as much as you can. Your one to create chaos but not one to take part in the blame for it.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What's your inner spirit?

Phoenix
You are free, loyal, and caring. You wish to help all those in need and heal all wounds of those you care about, no matter what the cost.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What's your inner spirit?

Deer
You are swift of foot and careful of mind. you are graceful and sweeping, always a step ahead of everyone else.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What's your inner spirit?

Wolf
You are faithful and cautious. You tend to run with a group of others and like to have others around you. You are brave and also gentle.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What's your inner spirit?

Tiger
You are fierce and wild. You tend to outrun everyone else in everything you do and you enjoy laying about or sleeping.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

If you went to hell, what role would you play?

Punisher
You get the joy of torturing countles people every day for those who wont cooperate or those who try to escape. Your strong and focused.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What Disney character are you?

Goofy!
You are GOOFY! and you actually really are! You are crazy and sometimes don't think things through. But, hey, you are likable.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

2009-03-26T22:02:00.000-07:00

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

You are the Hanged Man

Self-sacrifice, Sacrifice, Devotion, Bound.

With the Hanged man there is often a sense of fatalism, waiting for something to happen. Or a fear of
loss from a situation, rather than gain.

The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.

The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. It signifies selflessness, sacrifice and prophecy. You make yourself vulnerable and in doing so, gain illumination. You see the world differently, with almost mystical insights.

You are The Sun

Happiness, Content, Joy.

The meanings for the Sun are fairly simple and consistent.

Young, healthy, new, fresh. The brain is working, things that were muddled come clear, everything falls into place, and everything seems to go your way.

The Sun is ruled by the Sun, of course. This is the light that comes after the long dark night, Apollo to the Moon's Diana. A positive card, it promises you your day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciousness and wide awake. You have an understanding and enjoyment of science and math, beautifully constructed music, carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy.

You are The Fool

The Fool is the card of infinite possibilities. The bag on the staff indicates that he has all he need to do or be anything he wants, he has only to stop and unpack. He is on his way to a brand new beginning. But the card carries a little bark of warning as well. Stop daydreaming and fantasising and watch your step, lest you fall and end up looking the fool.

Well something to think about there.

2009-03-17T08:50:00.001-07:00

Some personality test I took. Well, I won't say anything here.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Another one which I took

鉴定结果您的心理年龄51岁与您实际年龄差30岁幼稚度48％成熟度68％老化度78％

2008-12-16T18:26:00.000-08:00

Recently bout couple of weeks back I went to work with a friend down SP, my first day trip there was not been prepared for so I went and live with my parents' friend's place. The journey which took like 3 hours were awesome, the food there was nice and reasonable the scenery was delightful. It was expected after living the city life for nearly half the life since I was born. In the city it is always hurry and never on time, earn and never be content, care for yourself and never your neighbor but this, well not to say it is totally different but one may see the little that differentiate one place to another.

DAY 1
To describe the journey there was not anything spectacular it was rather more liken that of many journey one take in life. my parents only made a stop to eat and have a little bird watching then we continue on to Alor Star since my friend was not back in SP yet. The dishes we had in the little fishing village restaurant was a mouth watering fried oyster omelet, Snapper, Clam, Mantis Prawn, some vegetable and rice. The food took a bit some time but it was well worth the wait. While waiting for the last dish which was the fish we jokingly said they have to hatch the fish egg and slowly rare it to be a fish so it might take a long while with that I continued to much down more of the current available food. The bird watching was interesting as even the sparrow have a shade of funny color.

After lunch we depart to Alor Star where I spend the journey not being able to think of anything interesting to do but to dozed off for the rest of the journey. While dozing, I saw that the old small town which was once covered mainly with padi field was already gone, consumed by the never content beast of modernization and commercialization. The track it left behind was nothing but abandon projects, a trail of once great and mighty dreams now all in shattered form of nothing more than dreams. As we drove into town we saw the once beautiful town of beautiful buildings now tarnished by the prescence of time and decay. It was soon that with all this taken in that I went to my dreams content with a set mind of "people remain the same in a country no matter where they are, only a little diferent, a little decent, that's all...".

We arrived bout around 3/4 pm at my mother's friend's house where we would spend half an hour hearing bout the good old times and them filling each outher up on current affairs of all the friends as well as share some cooking recipes. It was also here that we met my mother friend's daughter who was studying for SPM some thing of which I remember passing through but not studying as hard as her. After sometime my dad decided to meet his friend at the factory so before my dad and I took leave from the house I played with the dog for a moment and we went our way.

We visited my dad's friend's factory, where we have to take off our shoes and in trade of their slippers for the reason of cleanliness. While dad and his friend was catching up I went around in my own little world playing with everything I find amusing including a thermometer of which I tried to dismental. My dad had a glass of coffee while I have a glass of tea along with the the uncle. The topic varies from business to family to gambling formulars of which now is of the rarity that such a formular come to any use any more. After which we decided to head for dinner where we enjoyed more seafood.

Dinner was at another fishing restaurent where my dad use to go in the younger days to celebrate wonderouse occasion with his old friends. We had crab, fried squid, tofu, noodles, fish, mantis prawn and some rice by the end of all the eating we were stuffed. When we were done it was bout 10pm and we head back to my mom's other friend's place where we stayed the night.

2008-09-05T08:24:00.000-07:00

Tired. Edgy.

2008-08-10T10:08:00.001-07:00

It's always been quiet here and so it is now even as I write. My life for some past days have been up and down. The finals have recently finished. Didn't do quite well, I know it cause I'm quite sure it wasn't at my fullest capability. But to top it off the Macroeconomics was already a goner from the start and with that in mind I wanted to enter the exam hall, sit and read the paper for 5 minutes, let it slide on the desk before taking the lighter to set it ablaze while I walk out the exam hall and the college slowly while the sprinkles do their job. However, on that day I forgot the lighter so I got to sit for it anyway. So after that was a burst of freedom a rest from the burdensome weight. That's for the exams.

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For today I went to 1U to meet with my friends to discuss about the trip to Japan, Thailand, Tioman and Genting, at the same time I went there to also explain to another friend about the project. But the only thing that worked out fine was the planning of the trip, the part of explaining about the project never went well at all, my friend was spraying and yelling at the top of his voice without wanting to hear and understand and process things through first before he asked the questions. I spend half the time hearing all his nonsense about not believing this and that and that and more nonsense. I gave him many job opportunities but he just turn them down and of them all this can fetch a good lump sum but he just push it away. How can I help one who does not wish to help himself? I got home feeling more disappointed and yeah, I promised myself never to help him again.

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Church today was as usual, the message was about the Chrisitian lifestyle which revolves around relationship, the Word of God, the breaking of the bread, and prayer. They also had "Pastor" Raj's farewell of which was quite funny and well shows us more of his undecent qualities which causes us tothink more times about what he might tell us or say to us in the future if some of us meets him. They had some free food but I never got to try cause dad brought us to some nice pork noodle place. aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I'g love to say this here miku<3 miku<3 miku<3 miku<3 miku<3 miku <3.

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What's on my head...everything, but so far nothing decent. As usual I'll still have no one to talk to about it without having them wanting to get away. To tell you what I really want or rather who I really want to rid of all this is a relative to a friend of mine. I'd rather not mention at all but it'll make not much difference to the way I lead life now adays. The truth to me smiling more these few days is because I've been beaten down and down and down again but unlike other I can never heal from those wounds and I stand up and I walk the blood will flow from me and make a trail to where I'll be. When that happens every day I loose more and more blood till eventually I die. With that knowledge I wanted to look as if nothing much is happening and I'm quite please with every thing since everyone wants me to look that way. My brothers on the other hand just thinks I'm getting more and more annoying since I'm spending more time with them. Well maybe I should just die faster or something since my existence is of not much value or worth till now and besides no one would miss me for going.

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For now let me just smile away another day and make best with what ever I'm left.

The winds carries the leaves, sand and stones
When it rest so does the leaves, sand and stones
I have little now and little then even when is not enough
As dates of many flight abroad my time is too far enough
The creator makes and judges one to their deed
When I rest so goes my soul to the judgement of my deeds

2008-07-22T07:38:00.000-07:00

Everyday is a new day yet everyday teaches me one thing, the only thing that would grows everyday as I live life - hatred. Yes, thought I have at times a good heart and innocence it would some how come to me. To forgive? That's something that ask me to forgive itself for existing in me in the first place. Every day a new plight, a new reason for vengeance, a new way to hate, a new delight in torturing, killing and butchery.

I see people holding one another, I see people "loving" one another yet some how in them I still smell insecurity, jealousy and hatred. So much hatred, so much suppressed feeling, so much unhappiness, so sweet yet it smells.

Religious people, tycoons, politicians, keepers of law, Kings, princes, princesses all so great in authority yet so feeble in the eyes of death and hatred. Look of their mighty numbers and influence, but are they so different than any other? No slave and servants and them belong to the same mold. They all die an empty death for that of their souls have already been sold.

I hear love, peace, restrain everyday but with it I felt it eating into me everyday, biting me knowing I would not strike back. Killing me slowly and effortlessly. I preach loyalty yet I have no one loyal to me and I can find no one to be loyal to. Are people worth it? Is their souls worth my life nd my scarifies? Are they people who are willing to give their all without raising their voice? No, none of them deemed worthy, none give me a reason to live and let live.

They all just scream their same old song "If you are able then prove to me. Show me that you can. You coward you only can talk but not act." If I ever had the chance of breaking from my own chains I put on myself, if only I can cut away emotions and feelings like I once did. I'd love to spill a river of blood and drench my body in their pathetic blood and drink their souls off a goblet befitting a king.

I have this much hatred yet I still live silently wishing to die; I have all this hatred wishing one day for people to die. If I some how lived people would die. No one would understand because no one could ever comprehend.

2008-07-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

Name : Aaron (Lyvon) Leong JQ

Sisters : Nien! unless cousin sisters count.

Brothers : Ben, Casper

Shoe size : 8.5

Height : 168+-

Where do you live : PJ

Favourite Drinks : Water *you see it with me all the time*

Have you ever been on a plane : Yes

Swam in the ocean : Yeah but I'll need a float or something.

Fallen asleep in school : Yeah, most of the time when I'm bored.

Broken someone's heart : Yeah, both ways but broke 1, my many times broken

Fell off your chair : Yeah, when I laughed at someone.

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : Yeah once...but it was some time ago.

Saved e-mails : Yeah, all study or work related.

What is your room looks like : Paper, books on the floor, a full book shelf, computer desk, laptop, phone, a bed and build in shirt cabinet....etc

What is the last thing you ate : Dim sum

Ever had Chicken pox : Some time ago.

Sore throat : Yeah, some time back.

Stitches : Nien!

What's right beside you : A phone, a radio, powder, watches, stun baton, torch, knife, books, and papers.

Do you believe in love at first sight : Yeah. It iis the thing that keeps on breaking me.

Like picnics : Sure...time and date.

Who was the last person you danced with : My childhood friend.

Last made you smile : I smile quite often so I don't remember *probably watching people die in some movies*

Today did you talk to someone you like : Nope, I have no one I like unless you meant friends.

Do you eat healthy : Not really, I'm gaining weight.

Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you : Yeah. I got over it.

Are you loud or quiet most of the time : Quiet...but there are times where you might wanna cover your ears.

Are you confident : Yes, at times a bit too much.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago :
- Studying
- Crying
- Fighting with someone (now I lost this cause I can't fight well anymore)
- Playing with my childhood friend <3 both of them
-Trading toys

5 things on my to-do list today :
-Facebook
-Torn City
-Chat with some girls
-Make some people laugh
-Play some games

5 snacks I enjoy :
-M&Ms
-Chocolates <3
-Cheese cakes
-bread
-sweets (well, some times)

5 thing I would do if I were a billionaire :
-invest more
-safe
-house
-partner
-weapons

5 of my bad habits :
-interrupts people when they speak
-impulsive
-vengeful
-lustful
-slave driver (will make people work to the max)

5 people to tag:
*anyone who reads my blog.

2008-06-25T19:26:00.000-07:00

Lyvon took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Sets himself idealistic but illusory goals. Has be..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

*FYI: I don't need compensation like what is says here....damn it made me look pathetic, and I still believe I can be the best some how some way.*

2008-06-08T09:47:00.000-07:00

It's been a beautifully unproductive week, my everyday are filled with sweet dreams, my waking hours, pictures and thoughts of the horribly massacred, the thirst and hunger for the blood and flesh of people. It's funny how when I look at people I see their end form, their passion, their soul, and their art. It may be that I am losing my mind soon, it may be that I am approaching my true form, but what ever it may be, I can still rest assure anyone that my self constrain any the chains that I am bound by would prevent me from acting on such thoughts.

As most would know I walked my life on a thin line between being indifferent and the norm, among but not within, insane yet sane, wild yet in every way tame, the nearly perfect balance between yin and yang. Yet at times when being put in a categories of black and white I am never to be considered white but due to my purest impurity, I am left out as the dark. Many of times because I have no real form, I draw the form of someone I am rather comfortable with.

My very thoughts and logic never make much sense. neither does my way of speech but if you were to look at it in a whole new way a less complicating way you might understand, you may see the beauty of things I some times see, the certain abilities I see in people, and the meaning to some of life questions but like all men I too am limited to my constrains, my disability, and my defect. Saddening isn't it? But as something living, my goal is to survive and along with the goal to live I have to learn and adept.

I never believe in much violence but at times some things are necessary to be done for the greater good so long as it does not cross the fine line between personal and the world. How would one discern between such things? A simple test method is would this action be harmful and unproductive to the rest? If it is then one's action is in need of reconsideration. As far as I know before carrying anything on the mind to an action evaluation is to be made for there's always a fine line between right and wrong, and a perfectly sane person and a serial killer psychopath.

If you would know me, I am never evil just cruel at times.

2008-05-29T23:59:00.000-07:00

I see many things,
Of people in existence
yesterday, today, and tomorrow
there were some of a dying breed
some of domineering existence
same remain rare and hidden

But many of which is seen in books
drawn illustrations in many books
for their's is the common and comprehending
they think alike and react alike
their soul is not more different than the other
with every ink of the pen is every blood in their veins

Of knowledge long discovered and rediscovered
Of sanity so gray and stagnant
Of minds no purer than lamp stain by the age of time
Of wisdom no different that that of a dying tree
Of body no different than an empty chamber
Of souls lost to that of abyss

The people of a dying breed live for today
their life slowly drain
their soul slowly wither
their mind slowly stiffens
their creativity strangled
their purity tarnish

they live to fight for the day
of their own believes
of the people's sake
of the "freedom" of souls
the freedom of the mind
and the birth of life

yet they were battered
crushed with hatred
mauled with the reality
silents with enmity
cursed with ill fate
their life are spite with hate

Their waking hour- a nightmare
their sleep- a pleasant dream
their fuel- a dream of promises
their vision- a world with no suffer
their hunger- some one to share their dreams
their only pain- to die in vain

The rare exist in the depths of men
they are among but not with the people
they connect the the worlds that were shattered
they bring changes to the ground they thread
they heal the broken by their presence
they are liken that of the messiah

their works springs lives
their words carries wisdom
their thoughts pure as gold
their soul as hard as a rock
their will unbreakable
their sight their future

because of their wisdom they live
because if their gifts they are spared
because they are rare they are loved
because of their presence changes goes unnoticed
because they have no intentions their thoughts are gold
because they are rounded they cannot be pen in books

because they stand out
their destiny is written
their efforts to rewrite pointless
they seek the answer of life
their hunger never quench
their thirst never satisfy

because they are pure
their is that of their freedom
their wisdom goes beyond
their will unbreakable
their soul unshakable
their powers cannot be stolen

because they are not forceful
they have no sides
they fight for no one
they only live for themselves
they find no troubles
they live for tomorrow

they are the true leader of the people
not because of their forcefulness
not because of their wisdom
not because they think about others
but because they bring changes
they live among and never conforming!

2008-05-29T20:36:00.000-07:00

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want.

And that's marriage - with the right person.

You're serious about settling down some time soon.

Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge.

In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead!

And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in.

Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

How Sarcastic Are You?

You Are Destined to Rule the World

You have the makings of a very evil dictator...

Which is both kind of cool and kind of scary!

Will you rule the world? Maybe. Maybe not.

But at least you know that you could.

Are You Destined For World Domination?

What Your Fridge Says About You

You aren't greedy, but you don't really deprive yourself either. You strike a good balance with the stuff you buy.

You are a very thrifty person. You don't like to waste money... or food.

You are not adventurous at all. You don't like to be outside your comfort zone.

You are responsible, together, and mature. You act like an adult, even when you don't feel like it.

You are likely single - and spending many nights alone at home.

What Do the Contents of Your Refrigerator Say About You?

Your Life Path Number is 5

Your purpose in life is to life freely and collect experiences.

You love life - new adventures, new people, new ideas.

You are very curious, and you crave novelty in all forms.

You tend to make friends easily, and you enjoy the company of all types of people.

In love, you are fun and even a bit intoxicating. But you won't stick around for long.

You are impulsive and spontaneous - which sometimes leads you to do things you regret.

Sometimes you can be overindulgent with food, sex, or drugs.

You have many talents, so many that you are often scattered and unfocused.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Athletic Kid

Even if you weren't a football star, you spent a good amount of time playing sports and keeping fit.

People may have stereotyped you as a "dumb jock" - but they underestimated your will, wit, and determination.

Who Were You In High School?

Your Body's Element is Water

You are a joyful, relaxed, and luminous person.

You love people. You live for making new friends and helping others.

You are enthusiastic and the ideal person to work with.

You don't mind doing hard tasks, and you have a generous spirit.

Your energy tends to be: conserved

You power color is: black

What Element is Your Body?

Your Inner Gender is Male

You are rational, matter of fact, and quite dominant.

You like to get things done, without any emotional messiness.

You truly don't understand most women. And you definitely feel more comfortable around men.

No doubt about it. You're a guy - at least on the inside.

What's Your Inner Gender?

You Are More Yin

Feminine

Devoted

Forgiving

Fall

Winter

Afternoon

Moon

Time

Passive

Metal

Honey

Are You More Yin or Yang?

You Are Wolverine

Small but fierce, you're a great fighter.

Watch out! You are often you're own greatest enemy.

Powers: Adamantium claws, keen senses, the ability to heal quickly

Which of the X-Men Are You?

You Are Most Like George W. Bush

So what if you're not exactly popular? You still rule the free world.

And while you may be quite conservative now, you knew how to party back in the day!

What Modern US President Are You Most Like?

You Should Live in the Suburbs

Like many people, you like the city - but you don't want to live in it.

For you, the suburbs is the perfect compromise.

You can enjoy the city as much as you want, but you have a quiet, safe neighborhood to come home to.

Where Should You Live?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational person with a good deal of balance in your life.

Friends consider you to be kind, caring, and truly loyal.

You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.

Open to the world, you are not afraid to be yourself.

If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Able to cope

It's hard to sleep next to you because: You're a bed hog

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Your Birth Month is October

You are a natural leader who is able to stand up when no one else can.

Strong and powerful, you tend to overshadow those around you.

Your soul reflects: Gratitude, comfort, and true love

Your gemstone: Tourmaline

Your flower: Cosmos

Your colors: White and yellow

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

Your Travel Personality Is: The Sophisticate

You're well educated and cultured, and the places you travel to reflect that.

You appreciate the best art, food, architecture, and local flavor.

A true traveler, you are destined to be multi-lingual and very worldly.

What's Your Travel Personality?

You Are The Magician

You are powerful and wise - beyond what anyone can see.

Deeply complex, you have the resources to connect to the spiritual and material world.

You posses the knowledge to manipulate your life and the lives around you.

You also have a great healing power, should you choose to use it.

Your fortune:

You have unhidden powers that you have yet to tap into.

Soon, you will better understand how to use your intellect and intuition.

Believe it or now, you will discover how you can manipulate yourself and others for good.

You are at the beginning of a path of spiritual enlightenment.

What Tarot Card Are You?

Your Inner Child Is Scared

Like a kid, you tend to shy away from new experiences.

You prefer what's tried and true - novelty is scary!

New foods, new places, and new friends are difficult for you to deal with.

Some say you're predictable, but you enjoy being comfortable.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Your Gemstone is Amber

Creative, happy, and logical.

You shine in any intellectual endeavor

What Gemstone Are You?

Your Element Is Fire

Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame.

You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out.

You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable.

You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go.

Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive.

Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.

What's Your Element?

You Could Be a Vampire... If You Had To

Like most people, the thought of being a vampire has crossed your mind. But you're not sure if you'd do it, even if you could.

Living forever doesn't sound half bad, if you could live forever with the people you love the most.

But do vampires even love? And would the vampire version of you even be you?

It's all too much to contemplate. Luckily, the chances of you ever becoming a vampire are astronomically low.

What you would like best about being a vampire: Living forever

What you would like least about being a vampire: Blood stained teeth

Could You Be a Vampire?

Your Hair Should Be White

Classy, stylish, and eloquent.

You've got a way about you that floors everyone you meet.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

Your Passion is Yellow

You're a total sexual shape shifter.

You possess a complex sex drive and are very adaptable.

Of all the colors, you are the most likely to be bisexual.

While you the most passionate, you are very open minded.

What Color Is Your Passion?

You Are 36% Shy

You are slightly shy, but overall, your reactions to social situations are normal.

You dread difficult social situations, but you still handle them with grace.

How Shy Are You?

You Are 47% Borderline

You have some symptoms of borderline personality disorder.

If you feel like you're more than a little dramatic, you may want to investigate further.

Do You Have a Borderline Personality?

You Are Paper

Crafty and creative, you are able to adapt freely to almost any situation.

People tend to underestimate you, unless they've truly seen what you are capable of.

Deep down, you're always scheming and thinking up new plans. Your mind is constantly active.

You are quite capable of anything you dream of. You can always figure out a way to get what you want.

You can wrap a rock person up in your sheet of trickery.

A scissor person can sneak up and cut you to pieces.

When you fight: No one can anticipate your next move

If someone makes you mad: You'll attack them mercilessly when they're unprepared

Are You Rock, Paper, or Scissors?

Your Power Level is: 68%

You're a very powerful person, and you know that all of your power comes from within.

Keep on doing what you're doing, and you'll reach your goals.

How Powerful Are You?

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

You Are 59% American

Most times you are proud to be an American.

Though sometimes the good ole US of A makes you cringe

Still, you know there's no place better suited to be your home.

You love your freedom and no one's going to take it away from you!

How American Are You?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Intrapersonal Intelligence

Reflective and thoughtful, you enjoy spending time alone.

You are good at analyzing yourself - and knowing your true feelings.

Totally self aware, you are in tune with your dreams and desires.

A spiritual and philosophical person, your inner calmness inspires and helps others.

You would make a great philosopher, researcher, or theorist.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Your Response is: Stay Calm

You don't have much of a fight or flight response.

In fact, you rather do neither. You don't like getting worked up.

You are able to approach most threats calmly and rationally.

You don't let your emotions get the best of you!

How Do You Respond: Fight or Flight?

You Are 32% Weirdo

You're a little weird, but you'd be even weirder if you didn't have a few quirks.

You are just strange enough to know it, but nobody else seems to notice your weirdness.

That's because, deep down, everyone is a little freaky!

Are You A Weirdo?

Your Unique Costume is a Chicken with its Head Cut Off

An excuse to run around like you're crazy :-)

What Totally Unique Halloween Costume Should You Wear?

Your Extroversion Profile:

Cheerfulness: High

Excitement Seeking: High

Assertiveness: Medium

Sociability: Medium

Activity Level: Very Low

Friendliness: Very Low

How Extroverted Are You?

Your Depression Level: 76%

You seem to have moderate depression.

Your symptoms are bad enough that they're effecting your everyday life.

You would benefit greatly from professional help.

Are You Depressed?

You are a Self-Discoverer

You're not religious, but you've created your own kind of spirituality.

Introspective and thoughtful, you tend to look inward for the divine.

You are distrusting of all forms of organized religion.

You especially dislike religious gurus and leaders, who you feel are charlatans.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

You Are 60% Gentleman

Generally you act like a gentleman, but sometimes you're careless with your manners.

Most people know that you're trying your best - and that's usually good enough.

Are You A Gentleman?

You Are a Great Liar

You can pretty much pull anything over on anyone.

You are an expert liar, even if you don't lie very often.

Are You a Good Liar?

You Are Fairly Skeptical

You're not the type of person who will fall for anything...

But you do keep your mind open to all sorts of possibilities.

You figure that anything could be true. After all, the world is a strange place.

However, you're going to need some convincing before you can believe in aliens or reincarnation!

How Skeptical Are You?

If You Were Born in 2893...

Your Name Would Be: Iara Kiku

And You Would Be: A Feared Warrior

If You Were Born in 2893

You Are a Believer

You definitely believe in God - and you're very unwavering in your religious beliefs.

In fact, religion and spirituality are definitely big parts of your life.

Religion shapes how you view right and wrong, as well as the decisions you make.

It's hard for you to imagine how your life would be without your beliefs.

Are You an Atheist, Agnostic or a Believer?

You Are 48% Good

You are a fairly good person. You strive to live a moral life whenever possible.

You are usually kind, generous, and loyal. However, you do have a dark side that even you may not see.

When it comes down to ethical decisions, you tend to take the path of least resistance.

So you may end up lying, cheating, or engaging in other bad behavior... because it's just easier to do so.

You are also probably: Conflicted and confused about the current course of your life

Right now you are on track to being: A slightly crooked politician

To be a better person: Break one bad habit - whether it's telling white lies or spending too much money.

How Good Are You?

You Are Bold And Brave

But daring? Not usually?

You tend to like to make calculated risks.

So while you may not be base jumping any time soon...

You are up for whatever's new and (a little) exciting!

How Daring Are You?

You Are Middle Class

You work hard for the money you earn, and you usually live a comfortable (although never extravagant) lifestyle.

You are dedicated to making ends meet. Even if it means taking on a second job.

You have the skills and education to earn decent money, but it never seems like enough.

There's a whole lifestyle and culture that seems out of reach to you.

You may end up: A real estate agent, counselor, or dental hygienist.

Other people who share your class: Working professionals who've excelled in their career fields

What Class Are You?

You Are 44% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul.

You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

You Are 56% Intuitive

Your intuition is often right, and you use it more than you may realize.

Your gut feelings are usually a good guide, but you need more to go on when making a decision.

You'll often check to see if the facts back up your feelings.

And when your intuition is wrong, you work to improve it for the future.

How Intuitive Are You?

What Your Hands Say About You

You are logical, analytical, and rational. You have good verbal skills.

Flexible and broad minded, you can fit in to any situation. There's no telling where your life will take you.

Consistent and reliable, you like to count on structure and routine in your life.

Your emotions tend to be nervous and potent. Your energy - both positive and negative - deeply impacts your life.

What Do Your Hands Say About You?

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are aloof, mysterious, and distant.

People feel like they really don't know the true you...

Yet they're still drawn to you, almost by magnetic force.

Underneath it all, you don't even really feel like you know yourself.

It's easier to put on a front than really think about your life's purpose.

You tend to seem pretentious, but it's just a mechanism you use to push people away.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

You Are 40% Capitalist, 60% Socialist

You tend to be quite wary of businesses, especially big business.

While you know that corporations have their place, you tend to support small, locally owned shops.

As far as the rich go, you think they're usually corrupt and immoral.

Are You a Socialist or Capitalist?

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are innocent, sweet, and young at heart.

You present a purity that many people find appealing.

However, you are often tired of people treating you like a child.

Underneath it all, you enjoy being babied and pampered.

You have been known to feign inexperience to get out of sticky situations.

You fear getting old and losing your childlike charms.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

2008-05-29T09:21:00.000-07:00

You're a Pack Rat in Training

You know those crazy old people with a ton of video tapes and cats?

Well, you're training to be one. Time to do some spring cleaning. Even if it isn't spring!

Are You a Pack Rat?

You Are 64% Passionate, 36% Compassionate

You are very passionate, especially when it comes to love.

In fact, it's sometimes difficult for you to tell between love and lust.

You jump in head first, and figure things out later... usually when it's all over!

Is Your Love Style Passionate or Compassionate?

People Definitely Like You

You are very well liked, and many people admire you.

You are friendly, well mannered, and fun to be around.

Of course, you're not perfect... but that's okay.

Your friends are usually willing to accept you for who you are!

What People Don't Like About You:

People don't like that you can't defend your values and beliefs. You seem unreasonably stubborn.

People don't like that you forget them easily. No one wants to be friends with someone who doesn't remember their name!

People don't like that you hide from your mistakes and avoid apologizing. It just makes everything worse.

What People Like About You:

People like that you don't gossip or talk poorly of others. They trust that you will speak positively about them too.

People like that you truly take and interest in them. Everyone likes to be liked!

People like that you give them complements. You make people feel good about themselves!

Do People Like You?

Your Personality is 55% Addictive

You may have an addictive personality, but you have it mostly under check.

Just don't start any new bad habits, okay?

Do You Have an Addictive Personality?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love.

You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt.

You want to be with someone who's a success. A person with the right job, right family, right clothes...

In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

You Are 59% Jealous

You're a fairly jealous person, but it's nothing to beat yourself up about.

A little jealousy is perfectly normal, though sometimes you take it a little far.

Recognize when jealousy is taking over your life, and try to hold back your impulses.

You'll be a better (and happier) person for it!

How Jealous Are You?

Your Personality Cluster is Extraverted Sensing

You are:

A true admirer of beauty and art

Someone who seeks out variety and adventure

Not interested in status or material wealth

Able to act wisely without stopping to think

What's Your Personality Cluster?

You've Changed 56% in 10 Years

You've done a good job changing with the times, but deep down, you're still the same person.

You're clothes, job, and friends may have changed some - but it hasn't changed you.

How Much Have You Changed in 10 Years?

Cheese Pizza

Traditional and comforting.

You focus on living a quality life.

You're not easily impressed with novelty.

Yet, you easily impress others.

What's Your Pizza Personality?

You Are a Beagle Puppy

Cheerful, energetic, and happy go lucky.

And you're sense of smell is absolutely amazing!

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

You Are 47% Misanthropic

You're somewhat misanthropic, but you're not willing to write off the human race (yet!).

There's a few people you like, and even them you like at a distance.

How Misanthropic Are You?

You Are 73% Peaceful

You are a very peaceful person. All is good in your world, no matter what's going on.

Occasionally you let your problems get to you, but you generally remain upbeat.

Your inner strength is inspirational - much more so than you may realize.

How Peaceful Are You?

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.

You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk.

You should major in:

Philosophy

Music

Theology

Art

History

Foreign language

What Should You Major In?

You Should Be A Gemini

What's good about you: witty and energetic, you're simply the most fun to be around

What's bad about you: you're flighty - losing interest in people and projects quickly

In love: you enjoy the "honeymoon phase," but after that it's hard for you to stick around

In friendship, you're: likely to have many groups of friends, with many different interests

Your ideal job: mime, guru, or cartoonist

Your sense of fashion: casual and simple

You like to pig out on: fast food, especially burritos

What Sign Should You Be?

Your Taste in Music:

90's Alternative: Highest Influence

80's R&B: High Influence

Adult Alternative: High Influence

Classic Rock: High Influence

Country: High Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

Your Greed Quotient: 57%

You are somewhat greedy, but your greed is probably a healthy motivator.

Wanting nice things is normal, as long as it doesn't take over your life.

How Much Greed Do You Have?

Your Thinking is Abstract and Random

You are flexible, adaptable, and creative.

There's many ways that you can learn - and you're up for any of them.

You relate well to other people, and you do well working in groups.

You can help people communicate together and work with each other's strengths.

You don't work well with people who are competitive or adversarial.

You prefer to work toward a common goal... not toward conflicting goals.

What Kind of Thinker Are You?

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a tempered, reasonable way of thinking.

You tend to take every new idea in, and meld it with your world view.

For you, everything is always changing. Each moment is different.

Your thinking process tends to be very natural - with no beginnings or endings.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

This is seriously hard for me since my is nearly all T.T all looks attractive.

Your Superpower Should Be Manipulating Fire

You are intense, internally driven, and passionate.

Your emotions are unpredictable - and they often get the better of you.

Both radiant and terrifying, people are drawn to you.

At your most powerful, you feel like the world belongs to you.

Why you would be a good superhero: You are obsessive enough to give it your all

Your biggest problem as a superhero: Your moodiness would make it difficult to control your powers

What Should Your Superpower Be?

Your EQ is 127

You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.

On an average day, you're quite happy, together, and content. You live your life well.

Your emotions aren't always stable, but you can go along with the ups and downs pretty well.

You tend to be motivated, energetic, focused, and level headed.

You see the world pretty rationally, and you don't tend to over dramatize things. When things are bad, you know they eventually have to get better.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Your Body Image is 20% Unhealthy, 80% Healthy

You have a great body image. You know that no one looks perfect, and you're happy the way you are.

Also, you don't judge other people on their looks... and it helps them feel better about their own bodies!

How's Your Body Image?

You Are an Alien

You're so strange, people occasionally wonder if you're from another world.

You don't try to be different, but you see most things from a very unique, very offbeat perspective.

Brilliant to the point of genius, you definitely have some advanced intelligence going on.

No matter what circles you travel in, you always feel like a stranger. And it's a feeling you've learned to like.

Your greatest power: Your superhuman brain

Your greatest weakness: Your lack of empathy - you just don't get humans

You play well with: Zombies

What Kind of Monster Are You?

You Are Best Described By...

Eye

By M.C. Escher

What Famous Work of Art Are You?

You Are Chardonnay

Fresh, spirited, and classic - you have many facets to your personality.

You can be sweet and light. Or deep and complex.

You have a little bit of something to offer everyone... no wonder you're so popular.

Approachable and never smug, you are easy to get to know (and love!).

Deep down you are: Dependable and modest

Your partying style: Understated and polite

Your company is enjoyed best with: Cold or wild meat

What Kind of Wine Are You?

You Are 37% Feminine, 63% Masculine

You are in touch with your masculine side.

You are not overly sensitive and not easily moved.

Occasionally, though, something will get through and touch your heart!

Are You Masculine or Feminine?

You Are 70% Feminist

You are certainly a feminist - whether you know it or not.

You believe in gender equality, at least most of the time. You also believe there are a few exceptions.

Are You a Feminist?

You Should Be an Actor

You have a flair for the dramatic, and you probably already do a lot of acting in your day to day life, just to entertain yourself.

No need to steal the spotlight from your friends... You'll get plenty of attention once you start acting professionally!

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.

Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.

You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.

You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Your Mind is 52% Cluttered

Your mind is starting to get cluttered, and as a result, it's a little harder for you to keep focused.

Try to let go of your pettiest worries and concerns. The worrying is worse than the actual problems!

How Cluttered is Your Mind?

You Are a Bit Prissy

From time to time you can be a princess, but these days, who isn't a little high maintenance?

You know what you want, and you're definitely not afraid to ask for it.

(Just refrain from having a temper tantrum if you don't get your way!)

There's nothing wrong with having high standards... as long as they're occasionally low enough to allow spontaneity and fun!

How Prissy Are You?

2008-05-27T10:32:00.000-07:00

Your Values Profile

Loyalty:

You value loyalty a fair amount.

You're loyal to your friends... to a point.

But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties.

Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself.

Honesty:

You value honesty a fair amount.

You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it.

If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it.

In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity."

Generosity:

You don't really value generosity.

Your needs always come first, no matter what.

And you'll possibly help someone else out...

But only if it helps you in return.

Humility:

You value humility highly.

You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are.

And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better.

You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low.

Tolerance:

You value tolerance a fair amount.

You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas.

You have very few prejudices that you're aware of.

And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

The Five Factor Values Test

You Are 50% Extrovert, 50% Introvert

You're a bit outgoing, a bit reserved

Like most people, you enjoy being social

But you also value the time you have alone

You have struck a good balance!

Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?

You Are a Tomboy

You're having too much fun to bother with nail polish and crazy diets.

Guys are instead impressed by how much you know and do!

How Feminine Are You?

Your Lust Quotient: 57%

You are definitely a lustful person, but you do a good job of hiding it.

Your friends would be surprised to know that your secretly very wild!

How Much Lust Do You Have?

Your Vote Score: 60% Republican, 40% Democrat

You are truly an independent voter, and you don't fit well with either party.

Maybe you should choose one issue to vote on - or look into third parties!

Should You Vote Republican or Democrat?

You Date Like a Man

According to studies on dating, you date like a man.

You date casually and frequently, getting serious with select people over time.

Physical attraction and chemistry is very important to you.

And if there's nothing more than a physical connection, that's okay with you (at least for a while).

You are definitely looking for love, but you are in no rush to find it.

You figure love will eventually come your way, and you're not going to live like a monk while you're waiting!

Do You Date Like a Man or a Woman?

You Would Choose Money

You know that love doesn't always last forever - but money can.

Why bother with jealousy, petty fights, and hurt feelings?

You rather just go shopping!

And while marrying for money may be lonely, you'll always be well dressed, well traveled, and well fed.

Would You Choose Love or Money?

You Belong in Amsterdam

A little old fashioned, a little modern - you're the best of both worlds. And so is Amsterdam.

Whether you want to be a squatter graffiti artist or a great novelist, Amsterdam has all that you want in Europe (in one small city).

What European City Do You Belong In?

You Have Many Alpha Tendencies

You're not a total alpha female, but you certainly know how to - and like to - get your way.

You're forceful without being intimidating. You're confident without being vain. A perfect mix.

Are You an Alpha Female?

Your Power Element is Earth

Your power color: yellow

Your energy: balancing

Your season: changing of seasons

Dedicated and responsible, you are a rock to your friends.

You are skilled at working out even the most difficult problems.

Low key and calm, you are happiest when you are around loved ones.

Ambitious and goal oriented, you have long term plans to be successful.

What's Your Power Element?

You Are a Realist

You don't see the glass as half empty or half full. You see what's exactly in the glass.

You never try to make a bad situation seem better than it is...

But you also never sabotage any good things you have going on.

You are brutally honest in your assessments of situations - and this always seems to help you cope.

Are You An Optimist or Pessimist?

You Should Have Been Born Under:

You have both a fiery energy and a warm heart.

Your charisma and charm makes it easy for you to influence others.

Lucky in life, you also have a reputation of being lucky in love.

Power hungry, you are determined to get what you want - no matter what it takes.

You are most compatible with a Monkey or Rat.

What Year Should You Have Been Born Under?

You Are Somewhat Mature

You definitely act like an adult sometimes, but a big part of you is still a kid at heart.

While your immature side is definitely fun, you're going to have to grow up sooner or later.

Are You Immature?

You Are 40% Paranoid Schizophrenic

You're pretty grounded, though you have your occasional paranoid moments.

Just make sure to ignore those voices in your head!

Are You A Paranoid Schizophrenic?

What Aaron Lyvon Leong Jin Quan Means

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.

You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you.

You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night.

Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.

You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.

Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.

You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.

You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

People see you as a complete enigma, and only you truly understand who you are.

You spend most of your time introspecting and seeking truth.

You're a very interesting person... but not many people know you enough to realize it.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.

And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.

You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

You Are a Believer

Are You an Atheist, Agnostic or a Believer?

You Are Not Virtuous

You are bad to the bone, and you're the type of person people love to hate.

You're a real devil, and you really don't care what people think of you.

And while it does feel good to be bad, you may want to clean up your act a little.

Being a bad girl or bad boy is only cute for so long!

Where You Are Not Virtuous

You lack the virtue of Order. Many aspects of your life are chaotic and a total mess.

You lack the virtue of Moderation. You are attracted to extremes of all sorts.

You lack the virtue of Frugality. You tend to spend and waste money freely.

You lack the virtue of Cleanliness. You are quite messy... and maybe even a little dirty.

You lack the virtue of Silence. You talk too much, and your words aren't as valuable as they could be.

You lack the virtue of Sincerity. You don't tell the truth if it doesn't suit you.

Are You Virtuous?

2008-05-24T07:49:00.000-07:00

You Are 55% Addicted to Love

Might as well face it, you're addicted to love.

You've been a fool for love many times - but are you the wiser for it?

Your needs should come first, both in and out of relationships.

Because you're the only one who can look out for yourself!

Are You Addicted to Love?

You Are Pretty Happy Being Single

You have a full, fun life. And you definitely don't need love to be content.

Of course, being single can get you down a little. Especially when you've been single for a while.

But you know how to be patient and wait for the right person. You're life is too good to settle for anything!

Are You Happy Being Single?

Your Interpersonal Intelligence Score: 69%

Your Interpersonal Intelligence is High

You are definitely a "people person." You enjoy spending time with others.

You instinctively understand people, and you are both a good counsellor and mediator.

However, there are definitely times when you've had enough. And that's when you cherish being alone.

How Does Your Interpersonal Intelligence Rate?

You Can Make 46% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You

You certainly have this dating thing down - and you know how to charm most people.

And when your charm seems broken, just think back to what has worked in the past.

You have the tools to make almost anyone fall in love with you - you just have to put them into action.

Can You Make Anyone Fall in Love With You?

Well, let's just face it I suck big time.

2008-05-17T10:42:00.000-07:00

DAZED GAZE

As I gazed into the emptiness
I see the scotched red sky
A Rose in a bottle
In a house of no one
A golden paddy field
In the midst of the flame

As I gazed into the emptiness
I see the scotched red sky
The people trembling and scurrying
Speakers howling empty promises
The peasants toiling in rags
Soldiers marching with pride

As I gazed into the emptiness
I see the scotched red sky
And felt the edgy world
In itself love was no more
As fogs loom frightfully free
In an unthinkable monstrosity

As I gazed into the emptiness
I see the scotched red sky
The pale stricken dead
Screaming as if bound by it the eternally
The soulless body bound by will
Scarcely living as if forever curse to walk the land

As I gazed into the emptiness
I see the scotched red sky
Abundant with weeds of greed
Injustice acts and malevolence of sorts
Of remain ashes of morality and sanity
In all wind blew and gone

As I gazed into the emptiness
I see the scotched red sky
The world where hope was lost
Savagely free and empty
The eyes of those who born
Sparks the novel existence of greatness

As I gazed into the emptiness
I see the scotched red sky
As vast as the sea of stars
In the space above
A beautifully created end
In a story of a sorrowful beginning

By: Aheron Dean of Mangadownload (Angel of Wind) –Aaron Leon -

2008-05-10T06:53:00.000-07:00

What Aaron Lyvon Leong Jin Quan Means

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

2008-05-06T11:33:00.000-07:00

Not sure what to write really....the last few days and months just blew by like that and I am swept in a fast pace current and some unwanted problems. Sorry I have not been updating.

1st trip to Perhentian Island Arwana Beach resort:
Awesome...great and relaxing. I wish for some one else to be there too. I wish some how I can bring all my friends along but then again it would be hard on my personality side. I guess maybe some other time.

2nd life after the trip:
Had naval infection...now cured. Try going to cell at Jason's new place and got lost....humiliatingly funny.

3rd Previous Exam:
Failed IT210 miserably due to my own nameless error... it was so funny that well I guess it'll be remembered for years to come. The paper was super easy.

4th Church:
hmmmm....not sure what to say here...well things are going through a change...this of which I'll be a spectator.

5th Gym life:
Going down and lazy

6th Well what have I to say:

During the day I count my worth
The afternoon I track the time as prey
The night I gaze upon the stars

When I rest I pray for God
When I wake I pray for His mercy
When I work for his wisdom

I dream of days of hunger where I shall starve but not die
I dream of days of thirst where the living plant shall dry but I not die
I dream of days of where I long for someone to be by my side but I will not falter

Lie forth stretch on the ground,
Gaze in the eyes on the sky,
As time pass realize the air,
When it rains drink the water,
and know to yourself this world was once a better place.

2008-03-29T07:52:00.001-07:00

Your Envy Quotient: 45%

You are an envious person, but only at times.

Perhaps certain situations trigger your envy. Or maybe you're especially jealous when you're feeling insecure.

Instead of letting that green monster out, work on making your own life better.

And then maybe people will be envious of you.

How Much Envy Do You Have?

You Should Rule Mercury

Close to sun, Mercury has very long days - and is rarely visible to the rest of the solar system.

You are perfect to rule Mercury, because you live for the present - and can truly enjoy a day that goes on forever.

Like Mercury, you are quick and elusive. Your wit is outstanding, and you can win any verbal sparring match.

Some people see you as superficial, but in truth, you just play many roles and have many interests.

A great manipulator, you usually get what you want from people. And they're happy to give it to you.

What Planet Should You Rule?

the truth U really do not know how much of this is true.

2008-03-29T07:52:00.000-07:00

Your Envy Quotient: 45%

How Much Envy Do You Have?

You Should Rule Mercury

What Planet Should You Rule?

the truth U really do not know how much of this is true.

2008-03-29T07:48:00.001-07:00

Your Love Type: ISTP

The Mechanic

In love, you are exciting, alluring, and definitely hard to catch.

For you, sex is physical and sensual - but not romantic or emotional.

Overall, you are confident, fun, and optimistic.

However, you tend to also be flighty and overly private.

Best matches: ESTJ and ENTJ

What's Your Love Type?

2008-03-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

2008-03-23T00:38:00.000-07:00

Create your own Friend Test here

2008-03-15T06:51:00.000-07:00

Was supposedly to be writing about my best friends bu since I ended up else where I decided to post some stuff my friend have taken interest in and have given me the URL to play with them.

1st My nick name T.T FYI I am not plum!!!!

My authentic japanese name is 天海 Amami (heavenly ocean) 健太 Kenta (healthy and plump).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

2nd My full name:

My authentic japanese name is 渡辺 Watanabe (near a crossing) 総二郎 Soujiro (whole second son).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

3rd My Front name (Aaron)

My authentic japanese name is 渡辺 Watanabe (near a crossing) 聖人 Masato (sacred person).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

2008-03-15T03:04:00.000-07:00

if the weakest die only he will die; if the mighty have fallen a nation would fall and there would be no one to challenge, if the weak fall, he is removed as fast as the wind blows.

2008-03-13T06:08:00.000-07:00

Dare we bleed and so turneth the scotched red sand to a city? Or burneth the sky till heaven is drenched in the scotches of pain and agony to bring down even the greatest of beings?

2008-03-09T07:47:00.000-07:00

My day was pretty simple but within this can you roughly guess my emotions?
Watch the rumor jokes on the election on the net. Went to bed. Woke up and prepare for church. Got ready, listen and get home. Ate lunch...wanted to finish college quiz but it did not work. Went to bed. Woke up, dinner. Lite a fire, play with fire, took a knife and stab randomly toward my hand like a roulette.

Just wishing I was somebody else...well wishing one of my child hood dreams are true.

2008-03-08T07:11:00.000-08:00

I was gazing at the cloud of the afternoon,
whilst I was looking a shape took interest to me,
first a cloud was shaped like Pegasus,
opposing it was what seems like a Griffin,
as I looked at it they seems to be fighting.

As I look closer, the beast began to shape shift,
Pegasus became the dragon,
Griffin became the serpent,
it was then they battled,
one ripping the sinews of the other

As the win blows down my window,
my eyes gazing at this sight,
I wonder and thought to myself that surely the large would win,
bu the dragon emerged victorious and became an angel,
the serpent became a land from a land it became a house

As it begun to rain darker clouds flew by
Whilst I closed my window
a larger obnoxious cloud bearing bad grievance devoured both
an so the sight was over.
Af the rain, of what element not known
a heart shape appear and so cometh peace in my soul.

2008-03-04T09:01:00.000-08:00

When I was young, I used to looked out of the car the window seeing the passed by trees, people and houses and wonder what made then goes away.
When I was older, I used to look out of the car window wishing for the passed by trees, people and houses to return but it never does.
As I grew, I look out side of the car window knowing that things passes by would never come back, the people, the trees and the houses would never come back.
Now as I journey forth and drive, I see things and images stream passes the windows of the car in a fast past, knowing they would never come back again. With that very thought I see my life and cried every night, wishing it was something different, some thing greater, or magnificent...but it is just a wish...a wish like many others, to be some one greater than all who live now and to challenge the odds. But only till the time may comes I am permitted.

==================================================

When I was young I was a reject kid
I played alone, with little friends
When I grew a little older I was like an outcast
I eat alone, I live alone in my little world
As I grew a little older I have little friends
I still feel like an outcast, but have friends to make me laugh
As I grew another year older these friends fade
I felt like an outcast again, and yet I feel accepted by something
When I reached high school, I was accepted
I felt nice and comfortable
As time flies like images over the driving window,
I am all alone again, but was content
Soon when I was to be graduate,
I was well known, accepted and comfortable
And as time pass I was lonely again,
but I met someone who is nice to me
But liken everything, she passed on
I was lonely again but a hole has begun to tear me
As I live on my life no matter how many friends are around me,
I am still lonely, for my path was that of loneliness,
As Seconds crept on Seconds
Minutes to Minutes
Hours to Hours
Days to Day
Years to years,
this hole of loneliness and unsatisfactions grows
though it agonizes me, my actions must never falter
For when I must falter I know already my time have came to collect my tragic end.

2008-03-02T07:12:00.000-08:00

"...you will see one thing, people of all religions a like are becoming corrupted and so a cleansing must be done - a fire strong enough to scotch even the hardest rock must be present in that only the most pure and strong in their intent may live. If people ever hear such a speech without closing their ears, they are truly worth living."

Today, I had a great day...well a funny one. After church my mom drop me off the train station where it was a long wait due to some train maintenance. When I finally hop on a train it took me to Taman Jaya where I met my friend and part of his family where we went to KL to settle up with the travel agency for the coming trip to Pulau Perhentian. The funny thing here was that when we got to KL and we could not find the agency we were looking for for one whole hour. We drove in circles and circles till we finally got the contact right. Their contact was placed in the wrong manner - the indication of fax number were actually their phone number and their phone number, their fax number, what more funnier is when we got to the place and were told the additional alphabet at the supposedly house number was installed there because some guy got bored and thought it cool to do some thing like that. And the coolest part was that my friend's sis's boyfriend who was the driver was very calm even when some of us are already loosing our nerves.

And now as I'm partially dong my World Literature assignment I think back what a day before sinking in to a state f depression again.

2008-02-23T07:10:00.000-08:00

I dare you all to dream...to dream big and make those dreams a reality. It is just a matter of saying yes or no to them...make the decision and stay by it...live life towards it and do what it takes!

If one learns and lived through hell then the world is already at his feet.

2008-02-22T07:31:00.000-08:00

It is knowledge that kills innocences and purity of which joy and dreams are from.

2008-02-18T08:43:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure what to write myself for today except to grab a pillow and scream and shout and hope that no one hears. I really don't know what wrong with me. To begin with I don't know what's going on anymore. Everything's fast paced. Weak fall back and die. If you are not strong enough and you are surpporting a weak, you die too. Ir just seems like this for me in pictorial form.

On the other hand I know I am heading down a path that leads to my destruction, I already knew it and I won't do anything about it. I am sure even if I am gone there'll always be some one better than me to take over. If there is some one the same as me I bet that me would never ever try the things I did. He will never break out and prove the impossible possible. But I am sure with the little that he's go he'll do his best.

I am really hoping for the best of us all, I always wanted to be the best along side with friends but I am reminded once I begin the journey, I can bring no one, it will be a lone someone. Even now, now in itself, I can only look at pictures and praying for what not to be what is. The past...the present...the future.

People speak, people judge, people watch and they realized the differences. People live, people work, people rest and they realized time is already gone. If there a way...is there a way? I would like to know, it is to be that to lead and be the best of the best among people killing flaws and without falter.

Now with the last bit of sanity, of growing madness I always pray to die, I pray that it be done before I kill. I am not sure myself of my capabilities anymore. As great as some say I am I still fall a greater fall.

2008-02-16T07:24:00.000-08:00

on the previous update the food and everything went well. It was traditional way of cooking some what Thai but it was worth while and good. Why traditional? Ingredients such as starch, fish more and bamboo sponge and so on were added in the sharks fin soup and yeah it tasted like traditional ones...you won't know what I meant unless you've been trying shark fin soup from around this country and in various style.

........................................................................................................
Anyway, for today's update I've not much to say from the usual but rather I am still pissed and edgy at the rate things had all gone fast paced. Since projects have came up, exams are coming everything's next week....or rather would be on monday. During the whole literature class I was bloody mad at the lecturer for diverting the topic to criticizing something totally irrelevant and refusing to accept other point of views. It was so much so I lost interest in the class and was dazing away...even when there was a question throne at me I just simple quote something random effortlessly. Tell me some thing, is it not me pretending to be nice and good in class for the betterment or for the worse? Tell me also after reading that and most part of my life, is lying something I can go without? I Have a noble cause, a noble heart, but due to my flaws and if I don't lie I would never ever gain any trust. I can never maintain peace, or any relation with anyone for that matter. Leaving those out, I'm also angered at how sometimes things can be not done and people can seem so carefree about it. Some friends say I'm becoming mean but if I don't use what I have to use to get things done be it those guy professional or not then tell me how do I get things done???!!! Everything is all fucked up and messed up! It better get better soon or people all around would see my devil side that have been gathering dust for a long long time.

2008-02-11T06:15:00.000-08:00

Date : February 11, 2008
Day : Monday
Time : 10:20pm
Place : Home
Statues Now : normal

Word censored contained materials above 18 view it only if you are above 18 or you have gotten a permission from the blogger.
Statues Morning : Over energetic, mix feelings, full of feelings, Cold, Burning, in need of someone
, dirty (Sickly horny...beyond danger lvl guys and girls nearby would have been a gonna if I loose control)

My Day : Nothing much happen I could not concentrate in class because of what was on my mind...the more I tried to fight it the more tired and hungry I became so in the end I was feeling bitter cold and grinding my teeth as I walk around. Everything in accounting class today just flew by my head. I really wonder how long I can take this. I already had my release a few days in a chain and as it goes I just keep feeling that there's an empty hole growing larger and larger. If this goes on I'd be no different then wolfs and I'd be ending up like cats in heat with a random partner. this I would not want to imagine. As of now I just pray that I be accepted and so I can concentrate on my studies without going to far down the lane of crazy urges.
(some thing's seriously wrong with me since it is not normal for me to go on days and days of ever growing desire...I'm not sure but I hope it subsides before, yeah....you know what.)

Anyway, after the whole thing I got better after discharging with bitches *hell, I don't care if anyone's looking anymore...it just blows my mind to keep on hold and hold and hold* Before that an hour, we've plan on going to a good shark fin restaurant and eat on Tuesday, 12th February, which is tomorrow...I hope things would turn out right and by then I've no more stuff to keep me from enjoying the food.

My prayer "God it's been a long time since I last talked to you...a long long time. God what is wrong with me? It is eating me from the inside...the desire to want something so much as my own...the desire to rip and destroy and many more awful things. Lord would I be able to control all of this lust much longer? Lord how long more....how long more till it is gone? I want to to harm anyone, neither do I want my reputation to go down the drain. I don't wanna go around doing stuff that'll take something from people away. This is insane...I am insane...God I don't wanna kill myself for it was a promise I made a time ago but if I have to...I really have to I'll go against my promise just like I did for many of them I stop this madness from happening. This you can be sure of even if you do not allow me to die I'll find a way. Anyway, Father Lord god, I pray for the well being of all my friends, may you guide their way and grant them the best. As for those dearest to me I pray also for your protection and mercy to be upon them, I also pray that you'll bless them in all they do in you mighty name Amen.

2008-02-10T07:47:00.000-08:00

It was today, I was all burn and on fire in church...my whole body was literally boiling on the inside...I could not contain much and so that explains the whole shut down and auto-pilot button. I was not paying much of an attention but the sermon was poking onto my head again saying "we think we know so much that we do not need to listen anymore but friends it is not about how much we know but what we do." I've been blocking most of it but in the end of the day I still hear it's the same concept of how much I wanted to die and not be able to die at all...it is pissing off. I KILLED part of the literature homework blindly and head forth the sermon. I took no notes but words just keep popping on and off. I'm thinking to myself "What the heck...Just when I waited so long and now I want to rest some thing comes ON! Why can't it be the other time when I was still better than my state of mind now? Why has t got to be when I want to rest and plan things on my own? Damn it...why....why me?"

Few moments into the night I've got a friend messaging me asking about the light thing I was planning to sell. To be honest it is not much of being able to sell it here in Malaysia at a small quantity...it'll be a lost business but if we do carry it in a larger scale I'd think it'll be beneficial and profitable. But the thing is a branch group under either me or my business buddy have to know something about cars and contacts with the bars. This is something we lack. This put a whole stop to my train of thoughts on the money later and hit me back to square one where nothing is done. It was just when I wanted to rest to. It is not to say I am pissed at that friend but he was a true friend who is there to slap me when I go over board the reality line...some things are possible even after that line but some things isn't...it's a fine line between miracle and failure. Being pissed isn't the best solution but I can't help it...everything was drawn and planned and nothing happened before that to say anything but suddenly...and hell yeah the suddenly was there to change plans. Gosh I hate it...oh well, I've still decided to have something launched by the end of this month and it must be done. So the web based plan will go up first...the light plan would be postponed or even scrapped. The maximum duration is another 8 months...no more...anything more is count as lost.

And on the same tone of not wanting to stop and think, I fell asleep while feeling edgy and waiting for my computer to load so that I could finally do some thing.
During that time I was taken to a series of spiral and trails and I could remember wanting more on someone by my side than power but as I go on alone I began to get use to being alone and not needing anyone beside me because I was capable to live on my own..I began to want more not because I need it but rather to fill the empty hole inside. As I keep on filling it gets deeper, it got to a point where I just want to make people miserable and I broke down and hug my blanket closely as if it was some one dear when I awoke. Being still exhausted and the computer not loaded I went back to sleep, this time taking me back to some time ago while in class of a kindergarten. I could remember most of the friends then...my two childhood friends and I used to play together allot, she was boyish -loud and energetic, he was bit girlish -quiet and shy; they were both great people. The guy now grow to be quite different...the girl...it's been a long time since but I can say she's as lively as ever...*put on some weights but still attractive*. I'm not sure how it goes for this dream but I was awaken by the sounds of drills from my neighbors house and I made a joke of them drilling heads since I have no idea what requires many holes that they drill many times.

Being semi-awake I had dinner and tried on an IQ test *likes some tries to be better than everyone else (superiority complex...perfectionist)*, I was taken back to a time where my brother wanted to challenge me in chess and every time I'll kill him and smile and he would cry. It was so much so till I grow bored of it because no one in school at that time could manage a decent win against me (even thought so I did not join the chess club). It was then I stopped and now when I just watch...even a game of scrabble and other stuff he could slowly beat my dad or even draw...something I could not do. Never done...something nearly impossible for me to do...he did it, and now when I am asked to challenge I would back down. Now matter when I'd just find an excuse to avoid a challenge...to me now when I think about it was more of a shame and disgrace to be able to touch a board and challenge those onces weaker and loose...I cannot do such a thing, it is too hurtful, it was because that I thought I was great that I stopped, now even when I tried to move I can no longer move without breaking. At the same time, because of this I was distracted from the IQ Test and now only leading to an IQ of 118, a level pathetically low for my standard, maybe I over estimated myself, maybe, but I was sure all of that before gave me a greater gred of 120+ to 130+-. It just seems as if I became more retarded no matter in what area. With these thoughts just bugging my head, my dream of RM70 per hour for my future job just vanished along with the dream of becoming a future politician.

It was all because of dreams...i think I've been dreaming for too long. I have high ability and I just slacked a bit that lead to this. A piece of advice to self or others...Don't slack, just as the world is moving, we have to move, we cannot rest, when we do, we'll be absorbed by it. Move faster than the world and you'll be where you want to be. Just remember even then, you can't rest.

2008-02-08T07:24:00.000-08:00

New year's day boring...haven't got as much as last year...cousin sister's mouse quiet. Tension when gone visiting to uncles house...had some bad blood. Anyway to spice thing out a little I go two of my bros to kill one another and if anything happen I'm just sure it is funny.

2008-02-08T06:00:00.000-08:00

Ok I think I got what I missed on the Febuary 3rd post since I was reminded that I missed out some thing so here goes. Ten top things people normally ask me.

How are you?
ans: I'm fine thank you *lies*

Are you sure?
ans: Yeah I'm sure. *lies and wants to punch that person*

How's thing's going?
ans: ok? *scratching head in the back of his mind*

lol ok enough lies ha ha ha ha ha...here's the real deal:
=====================================================

1.) What's your plan for today?
ans: I've no Idea...since half the day's gone

2.) When will you ever get a girlfriend?
ans: Not sure...but I don't thing get is a word to use here since girls are humans too and we don't get them when we want them. They are people too so we have to think about them first before we bring them into our lives and ruin them. *still thinking whether he'll have a straight answer to this question*

3.) Are you gay?
ans: NO, I'm not...just because I watch kinky stuff *excluding gay stuff* doesn't make my gay or anything close.

4.) Are you are Christian? *always feel agitated when this is asked towards me*(Change question if inapropriate)
ans: Before I ans I'll some times ask one of this question to the person who as me or myself
First of, does it really matter?
Secondly, are you planning on branding me based on my believe?
Thirdly, what gave you the idea I am a Christian?
Fourthly, why do you wanna know?
Fifth, do I look like one?
(*If all answer are positive without a agitation hint then proceed to answer if not don't read.)
Ans: Yes, yes I am but don't expect me to be like the others or be good just because I told you that. I've my views...they have theirs..but we believe in the same God, same word...it's just how you interpret it.

5.) What was you ambition?
ans: To be a fisherman/ farmer so that people would have something to eat.

6.) What is your ambition?
ans: To be a politician who would reshape the foundation of this nation.

7.) Why do you want to live?
ans: I'm not sure myself...but no matter how bad the situation gets I just can't die...I just can't die least I am killed (I think). Other than that, I have my believe and standards to follow.

8.) Ever wish you were some one else?
ans: When I was a kid I wish to be a merman, after that I wish to be a girl, now, I just wish that I am the world's richest& powerful man with a wife/ good circle of friends.

9.) Don't you ever get bored of power? And why do you need it? (change this question if it is inappropriate for you.)
ans: I don't think I'll get bored of it...when I have it I'll probably just leave it there and not use it. I need power because I don't want other people having it and I don't mean position power but the real power to control people...I believe the word is influence.

10.) What race are you? *so far I can't help but laugh at this one...I get asked and I listen to their guesses before telling them the ans*
I'm a Chinese...local Chinese.

2008-02-05T10:08:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I kneel down to prayed
Been a while too long a game I foolishly played
Of what value anyone can gain but not alone
It is all worth nothing but just a smell of cologne.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I have a heart
a heart mighty and as pure
as pure as that of an angel
that of doesn't have a free will
A free will to express all things
All things of feelings and of thoughts

Of feelings ever changing
ever fun, ever happy, ever loving
ever lonely, ever sad, ever hated
Of feeling ever different in a time
because I'm an angel I can only feel
only feel one feeling-the only feeling that comes first

Of living thoughts
thoughts of love, of sharing, of peace
thoughts of destruction, of slander, of power
Of thoughts itself I may speak
but no, it is not of my will that I may
I may only live to do the will of others

Of freely expressing the awe
the of splendor by choice
by choice of believing
of believing a veracity, a fantasy
A reality of good existing amidst evil
A fantasy of only good without evil

If and only if my wings are unclipped
the chains that bound my other self was release
If only my wings would not tear
I would not have fallen
If only I have that capability of all things
to choose a will of mine or a greater good

Then I'm already a devil
a devil with a heart of cruelty and corrupt
a heart cruelty to those whom follow the good
the good that I had left behind
a heart corrupt of jealousy
of jealousy watching those who soar above

The good of being loved and to love
being love enough to show love
to show love of the heavens
and to love the people
the people who have a choice
a choice to be evil or good without being cast away

A heart of jealousy of the forgiven
of those who made the wrong choice
the choice of chasing their dreams
The dreams of which that cost others
cost other the live of which
of which one they only have

And if I only took the path in between
the path that only leads on for eternity
for eternity making infinite choices
choices of which beside stand both
both the devil and angel
both the route to heaven and hell

An in that I can only pray a prayer
a prayer of strength to go on
a prayer of knowledge to understand
a prayer of wisdom to decide
a prayer of grace to continue to be good
prayer for the mind body and soul

And with the prayer to live a life
a live of love, of fear, of adventure
to feel the color of creation
the feeling of love, loneliness and acceptance
with that to express thoughts
thoughts of imperfection, of sincerity, of satisfaction

This...a live of choices...a life with many colors
I wish to live...I wish to live to the fullest
With the many choices...I wish to make the best
in that I know in my hearty surely...God will do the rest
In all I do...be it in perfection or in wreck
I'll know that he's alway there with me because of the choices we make.

At last let me love only another one and forgive us for my sins.

2008-02-03T06:05:00.000-08:00

Status now: In pain, Lonely, Bored, Beserk (att -100, str +150, spirit -40, Dex -10, Speed +150 *hyper mode)
Emotions : Pain, Depress, High, Spirited, Pissed, Demoralized, Confuse
Current Location : Home
Current Task assign : Complete college Quizzes, Complete Holiday assignments, Search for online business data...take out the "trash"
Last Activities : Reading Face book, doing quizzes, eat dinner, practice punches
Currently thinking :
Side A of mind:
How could those mutha f*ck'in cock-a-roaches get their words in my head...f*ck them....f*ck them...now I'm all f*ck'in worked up....hyped and edgy....just so they watch...just so they watch...I'll gethim to stay away from what I want...no one f*ck'in's gonna stand in my way out side the four wall unless I think them worthy...one roach is allowed to run but the other f*cked up one's going down. Just one more last straw...one more...
Side B of mind:
Ahh...new year's coming another year pass as rivers flow timelessly to the sea. I hope's this going to be a better time than the previous year....yeah, please let it be a good on God. I'll really need it to get out and ahead of people else I'll be left with the juniors. Also I wish I can at least do something for someone during valentines day.
Side C of mind:
Dang that max....when are we going to start our business....this is delaying too long...I want my pay soon...I want to see seed flowering result of 1.5 years of planning! And yeah, I wanna get a pay of 15k a month's job so more business open....more possibilities. Also by the end of this 4 years I'm joining a political party.
Side D of mind:
food...food...food....food...food...food...food...food....food...food...food...food...food....food...food...food I think I've missed out some thing oh yeah...sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep *anyone talking today to me just flew by as my body automates itself to auto responses*

How's my day:
Okay on the overall....things just flew by my head...nothing much happened....when to visit other churches a while. Heard some gossip...was bit poison by them...have some one told me some thing I don't want to hear...thus explaining why the side of mind is gone. Spend the rest of the day eating lunch at See Lian's place my mind was on *munch munch munch munch*.

Head and left side tooth aches when bent body and when use too much strength. Anger subsides pain. Work...allot...pile...teacher. Tuesday and Friday, I...joke in class....confidence....teacher no like...ignoring me...

2008-02-02T06:04:00.000-08:00

After Marriage and Before Marriage

Before marriage. . Darling here..darling there...After marriage..Baling here... baling there.
Before marriage. . I die for u...After marriage. "U die, up to u. " Lagi lama married. U die I help u!
Before marriage. . U go anywhere. . I follow u...After marriage. . . U go anywhere. . up to u. Lagi lama married. . . U go anywhere better get lost!!
Before wedding u are my heart, u are my love"...After wedding "u get on my nerves. "
Before wedding "u are sweet and kind just like Cinderella"...After wedding "u are worse than godzila!"
Before wedding Roses are red, violets are blue. Like it or not, I'm stuck with u...After wedding Roses are dead, I am blue.U get on my head, I will sue u!
Before wedding Every makan he brings u to Shangri-La After wedding U want to go, he says u wait-la!
Before wedding She looks like Anita Sarawak...After wedding Don't know whether katak or biawak!

2008-02-02T05:41:00.000-08:00

this is a Q n A game tagged by friends
rules: once you got tagged, you must create 10 question tat ppl often ask u or create your own question. highlight the question that you dislike the most. try tagging ur friends

Q1: what is your favorite colour?
ans: Black, White, Gray, Crimson red, Silver*this color I won't like it on it's own*, Gold*this colour only applies for jewelry and expensive stuff...the colour itself is not that nice to me*

Q2: what is your biggest fears?
ans: My greatest fear is loneliness and rejection...other fear just falls under that.

Q3: what will you wish for during your birthday?
ans: A world of peace/ to have the whole country as my own.

Q4: what are your dreams?
ans: First, to be with the one I love; Second, to be a great politician in the future; Third, to live my childhood dreams as a fisherman; Fourth, good education for my kids *I pray they'll be better off then me*; Fifth, a great job that pays 15k a day*I think I be a yakuza better*.

Q5: why do you always show a sad face?
ans: I'm rarely showing a sad face...if it looks sad then maybe I am...but most of the time I make sure my expression differs from what is happening inside so no one will ever know how I really feel.

Q6: when will you shave your beard?
ans: I wanna grow a bread like Jesus *all other friend punches Aaron "this is blasphemy*

Q7: How's your romance life?
ans: In truth, I like someone but every time when I want to say those words, it just won't come out...I keep thinking too much on what will happen and can I take care of her or not. It is not that I am faithless but I cannot afford to let people suffer on my behalf too often. And I've taken many NOs an answer.

Q8: During weekends, where do you want to go the most?
ans: If there's a plan I'll stick to it *that is it excludes studying too much* If some one ask me out I'll probably tag allong....depends on my schedule.

Q9: Why are you so scare of girls?
ans: Well, I was bullied by girls most of the time during primary school years and since most of the school teacher are women...it is only fair to say I learned from experience that it is better I some times must fear them.....no reason...just fear them.

***I'll kill the person who'll dare ask me why on top of this why***

2008-01-27T03:55:00.000-08:00

"There are two parts of me....one to destroy; the other to build. I have no good side but I am sure cruelty and evil is of differences for I am only cruel, never evil."

If I had only the ability to take everything and leave nothing behind I'll have the world and destroy everything that I think the society need not, leaving what's best to last. What's best need not meant all good but rather the best of their kind, this is for the world which cannot last without inpurity, liken fish that can never live in a pure clean water.

2008-01-23T06:41:00.000-08:00

This was one of my earlier works but since I stop a long time ago it was out of my thoughts till I came by it's folder today anyway here it is. Read it in what ever way you want questions are welcome.

I sometimes wonder if there’s a thing called religion and the structured of which it is run. Then I would also wonder of the term politics or rather known as ass kissing in lay man terms. It then leads me to think of the hierarchy system of which at times present in some churches. This gives me a picture of the olden medieval day’s church and the Roman’s/ Greek’s Hall of Senate. I am not so much talking on democracy here but rather the thing about people. Notice In all of the occasions people are either there for the welfare of the country or for God.

However, if you look at it closer there are there for their personal reasons. They are there for power, wealth, and personal status security. That is what I can see so far. If you are there personally in these pictures you would first smell the smell of sweet incense see people of that “profession” sharing their thoughts among one another with seemingly common interest? Most of the time the place is fumed with sweet incents or the steal smell of sweat from the pores of the human skin. With all of that the differences of the place does not matter for the occasion was always simple. Make a simple rule for all of us to follow, those who cannot conform to be like us would be rejected and cast away. Those of which we can use for the furtherance of our glory we must keep, this is to ensure the foundation of this country and place is secure. Anything that differs would cause an uprising.

And if you go out of this picture and scroll towards the city, you notice many people, feeble people who could do no more than that of their usual workload. Their knowledge only surpasses tat of their forefathers by a little this of which is only to keep up with the times. Not far from that you could see the people working with every sinew, flesh, and bone to construct a temple, a mighty temple for the world to see the awesomeness of the God they serve. Among the working class there were those who are already working out of the essence of life itself, with their bony hands and bony legs, literally falling apart and putting themselves back together again just to complete the work “entrusted” on to them. When it does rain they would work as the rain drops pelt on the parts that hold them together, at times it just slips pass the holes in between. They could no longer speak the words of men and understood life as it was for there was nothing left in them but the will to work; pain was nothing to them as they were dry bones walking and heaving for the task to be completed. There were some severed by the cuts, bruises, blisters and boils were force back on track to their positions. There were none resting, for they could not rest because they know nothing more when they sold their soul to their job.

And in the same picture you’ll see that there are some of these bones there serving the already well fed, as well as, the some who were lame and the weak, conveying action that’s somewhat begging these people to come join them. Among those who were well fed, were those living in shabby places some could live more well to do than that of others who are already dying or dead working on the temple but were there just to look pitiful and wait for their needs be recognized and served. Now, they were not all handicaps, but were a bit disoriented, depressed over certain things that of which could be over come easily. There were many that have came out of this, but there are still a vast majority living in their shabby past and refusing to come out till they were served over and over till they die. Of those who were really oppressed were nothing much to be eaten, hear and be comforted. These people who will emerge from even the darkest ally and deepest bins to get anything that would hold them together. While the well fed could afford to play and leave left over, these pungent people from the waste hunt and feed on the very little crumbs found on the ground be it that it may lead them an inch to the gate death, they could not be more bothered since it was the only thing they can do to live and the result of not doing so would also be death.

With the lame and weak holding on to whatever they can to live, there were the stronger ones who live in groups/ clans feeding of these creatures, robbing and tearing them apart, eager to live, eager to have pleasure and everything that there is to have. They mind not pungent meat or stale waters, for those are the minors of their needs. Their deeds were cruel, ruthless and heartless but the people of the law were on their side, their wrong doing were just left covered. There was no justice. There was certainly no loyalty with them either; their job was simply to drive the people to work, and the people they gave task to were certainly not all the people who have home to live in or food to eat but rather what’s left of the torn pungent people. With the streets bloodied every day, these pack of creature does no other to that of authority and in high places, they are willing to tear even the closest of their own kind apart, at times even their own masters when they have to just so that they could receive the petty empty praises are thrown at them without much honor at all.

Where was the savior to those who were there giving their all to survive? Gone. Why weren’t there enough? The greedy and the false had already taken most of it. Were the acts of the authorities righteous? Just? Fair? No, they were everything else but have nothing to do with real love. Everything was just pseudo to suit their own, their own pleasure, their own agenda, their own everything. The words they speak were familiar tongues and carry much weight but they were only for their own, even if it was ture wisdom, it was only for but their own benefit, only if it was used in a right way only they would stand for the right people and be able to open their eyes to see the damage they done and people that they can win over and mobilize for a righteous course. If only they are the people who are willing to accept differences not on the outside but the whole of it as well then there would no longer be a need for a God or a temple to exist because the one true God then would have already existed.

A butterfly lays an egg
the egg hatches to a caterpillar
the caterpillar feeds and grow
the caterpillar keeps itself from the world
the caterpillar becomes a cocoon

The cocoon moves once a while
the cocoon rids of old caterpillar skin
the cocoon does not feed
the cocoon does not read
the cocoon does not observe

When time finally comes the cocoon wobbles violently
the butterfly tries to free itself
the cocoon tears
the butterfly have to struggle alone
the butterfly emerge
it dries it’s wings and fly.

This I’m sure all of us know is a process of metamorphosis, and it’s also a whole life cycle of the butterfly. This is what you see now. If you look more closely and ask why for some parts you’ll get a key answer to some of the reason why I brought this up. Firstly, in a cocoon no one can be there with you, for it only have enough space for you, but the external factors are what keeps you alive, too wet and you’ll die, too dry and you’ll die too, and if you eat too little before that you’ll also die. Over here is where faith and trails comes and here many would die. The cocoon shed its caterpillar mouth because it is no longer needed as it slowly takes the form of a butterfly. The cocoon does not feed cause there are major changes that the body is working on, if one just keep feeding, one would never grow. I know most certainly it does not read and observe, they only have eye shape thingies but respond only to movement, like when you shake the leave or poke them. I’m sure no one would ever believe this when I say it here. This is because when the butterfly struggle it’s actually preparing its strength and building it up for it’s wings, if you ever try to help a butterfly out of struggling from the cocoon, you’ll either accidentally kill it in the process, smeared it’s wings, or if you do get it out without harm you have successfully made a butter-not-fly. Even after it dries it’s wings it can’t fly. And if you weren’t wondering about the question how the butterfly did learn to fly? It was already a part of them. Just like most of us who are born again, that there are already some things that we once cannot do but we can do because it is part of us which is design by God himself.

2008-01-22T23:44:00.000-08:00

Today was the second time I let loose a thief under my watch. How? I was dumbfounded, I thought thieves comes in shabby looking cars, with tinted glasses and all (like the first thief whom I let go cause I wasn't sure if he was the thief, it turns out he was since on the same day and time a house was rob....this I'm sure was done by his accomplice. This time the same trick but glasses wasn't tinted, and in a different car and I took less notice due to reason that glasses weren't tinted but I was wrong. When my neighbour got home they realized their house was robbed and gold, expensive items and cash was robbed. With that news coming to my head I was very pissed of myself for not preventing something that could have been stopped.

It was the same thing as the time when I saw a few man spraying on the wall but did not stop them cause I thought them as contractors. The next day I saw the result - a few F bombings. The other time was a bank robbery, some one's hand got chopped off. I could at least have done something but I could not. All these sum together a greater things of what I could have done in my capability and skill but I did not and could not have stopped them due to my blindness to such people. But one thing's for sure, if I ever caught one right before me they'll be losing their lives or body parts for making me look like that of a fool and a coward. I'm very sure of that because I never like being fooled and thought a coward without a proper fight. My life you say? Tell me what's it worth if I don't have much of a guts to face people, of the capability to use my gift, or to have a good close friend by my side to hear as I speak, or be there...to me it worth nothing. I know of God's word and I know it well, but when life have no meaning even when you try to find it yourself, one is as good as the dead who is at rest.

I think that's all for now.

2008-01-14T21:29:00.000-08:00

Feelings are to be played; lives are to be spent abundantly; soul are to be consume freely as the air in the wind.

If immortality reflects the life you lead now, then it is no different than that of dying and not have any; if life is just to die then would you live the way you live today; if you would deffer from yourself when challenges arrive and passes, then it is better not to exist is it not?

2008-01-07T00:37:00.001-08:00

Went to Genting on the 6th of January 2008, yesterday, for a premire tour of F.I.R. premier tour....yeah for their new album, I have no idea what I was in for at that time as I expected most Chinese band to be like Jay Chow or bit like S.H.E, I guess I was way way out dated.

Our journey began at around 2pm, a casual raining afternoon. Wei Qi came and pick us from our house as it was planned. We got to circles for some time before heading to the right track to Genting. Actually, KF and his father helped allot by giving us directions...we would have been quite lost if it wasn't for them. Thank God for them. On the way there we drive by Mc Donalds to take away some snacks, this of which keep us entertain (well, for me it was cause I was playing and talking to my food since there wasn't a radio).

We got the early and roam awhile aimlessly till we decided to settle down at a KFC for my dinner. The line was nearly full when we got there, so some the two went for the seats while I head to the line to do the time. The que was fro 15 minutes, but it wasn't that much of a painful wait, time pass quickly. We got the food, I ate with content and we went to the Arena of Star (or some thing like that) to get the best seats since it was a free seating. On our way there we scored some more extra tickets from a girl totally unknown to us.

Anyway, we got the seats and waited there for some hour and a half. People there were from all over the place from Malaysia to Singapore. Well, some guys from the south were f*uked up with their snoberty but anyway it was avoidable since my goal there was to listen to music. The weather there was cold but not to the point where extra clothings are needed *this here is debatable due to the sight of many wearing extra clothings*. I took a stroll, met the stars without knowing that they were stars ( I thought they were wanna be until I saw them on stage...I guess I have to eat my words).

The performance was spectacularly stunning, I thought the only yellows that had it were the Koreans and Japanese....this change my mind on that statement of which I have stereo typed. In between their singing was an opportunity for their fans to sing on stage, 6 lucky people were chosen. 3 of which only can sing very well while the rest are just there to look good. As my predictions are correct they won the merchandise (all of them get it anyway...posters of the singers signed by them on the spot). The last song sang by FIR literally black out the house as the whole place went on a short black out till they are done. The lights only came back 15 minutes later after FIR left the stage.

I waited with two of my buddy at the end of the show, as one of them wanted to get his cd autographed. As expected the que was long and we took advantage of people who we know there to get to the front is due time. He got his CDs autographed and of we went for a drink.

First we went to my casual place where the Blue Corals were performing as usual an we had Long Island Tea, I had to admit is was good...I can't really tell how it tasted on my other friend's portion since he just wasted it away in one gulp. Our driver WQ of course was not allowed to consume any alcohol due to his allergy and due to him driving.

After the tea was gone, SC, the other one of my buddy, decided to got for a second drink, I decline but he insisted and so I joined. We ordered a bottle of fine red wine (only 3 years old not that good in taste but it sure gives allot of alcohol a whole 12%). Having an attitude of always wanting to win me he took on and on till he got a fit to drinking, while I was still at my fist glass enjoying he glup down 6-7 glasses, I could already tell he's drunk by the smell coming from him and the look of his eyes. I refuse to go on them but he kept on insisted to I pour him the last few glass thinking that'll satisfy him at last by letting him win. However, that was not enough to satisfy him, he just want to keep on drinking despite his condition.

So in the end WQ and I had to drag him to the car so that we could get him home. This was hell as he kept on whining on not wanting to go home and he wants more wine. This was like exorcising a demon posses individual where you kept on hearing deathly loud wails and pleading. The drive was a dangerous one, despite my warning on driving slowly WQ still DID NOT FOLLOW AS I SAID, INSTEAD HE JUSTIFIED THAT HE WAS ALREADY DRIVING SLOW...YEAH AT A SPEED OF 120 (NO CHANGES). Our car skided also could be known as drift when the drunkard pulled the break when we drove at a fast speed. Only after that WQ listened to my advice to slow down. WQ was also then at his breaking point after hearing those wails of a drunkard calling random people on his phone and asking for more wine and beer.

At half of our journey as we were passing Jalan Ipoh exit, the drunkard became violent and took the things we forgot to clear out at the back seat and use as a weapon to threaten us. We over powered him and once again he was in his seat asking and begging for more wine. The journey seemed like a whole 3 hour but we reached his place and dropped him off in one piece. This day I promise I won't drink for this year unless it's a date with a girl even so it would be only a glass.

2008-01-06T07:39:00.000-08:00

"I'm not sure why I am writing this down now....maybe it's cause I'm really depress again. It's ok by now I think. Since I've learn to pick up myself without much of people's help...some times I never feel like standing again cause I might just fall again and so I just feel like just lying there and give up...but my nature would not just let me do it, I am sure God doesn't either."

"No matter how great a person people think I am, I will not be content till all is mine! At the same time in knowledge of be in content with all I have then I can do as I please to the liking of my heart."

"It saying that I am who I am cause when I was who I am I see then the path I should have taken."

It's been some time ago when I did something due to the curiosity of finding out what makes a smoker wanting to go back to smoking even after they said they wanted to stop. With that in mind, I took a cigarette cut it into half then pour the content to a clay place where I pounded it to dust. After that I took a lighter and lit the dust that of which produced an expected cigarette smell but the interesting fact was that along with the smell comes a sensation of feeling high, unlike the ones you breath in through the smoker's exhale. The peak of the high feeling was at the first 6-8 sticks; it felt less satisfying from the 9th stick onwards till the 15th stick, after that it was just all a waste of money. Mind you it was a 5 days test, all were same brand, pounded and lighted in the similar manner from the same clay container.

Maybe it's just me but after this I ask myself why smoke when it doesn't makes you high anymore, it's just like breathing gases, but this is just burning a hole in the pocket and it gives no other benefit anymore. It's not like drinking, where one can still enjoy the taste of wine or anything that could be enjoyed and still feel high in the end. But lets not forget these two harms our body no matter what, one the lungs, the other the kidney/ liver.

Thinking along the same line I ask myself the same thing - the Christian faith, when we first got it the first few days were nice and on it's high land closest to it's peak, then along the line life just went down a bit but it was still nice and high, after another period of time things just start to feel like a drag, everything just becomes burdensome. Mind you everything you do is the same as before, going to church, read the bible, pray, tithe and so on but it just got dry. God's no longer in the thing that you do and what you do just burn a hole deeper into your soul and breaking yourself apart. Would it not be better to abandon the cycle and go for things God had provided where you could see him there when you wake up and all regardless of whether on pray, read, eat sleep or pissed straight? Would it not b better to move to else where when there's nothing left rather than holding on to somethings' already long gone?

Most of what I see yesterday and today are something as I describe, sure you may disagree like I first thought of it but if you look closely you can see the pattern of which I'm part of also because of personal reasons. Sure one can debate with all facts and splendor but is it not the same? I may have lost most good of myself due to selfish reasons or jealousy an what not but do correct me if I'm wrong even a bit in what I wrote. I'd be happy to hear myself disproved even if it is a lie but how far it differs from reality makes it truth.

"Is there a right of which no wrong could be wrongly wrong or any part of right be wrongly right? Is there such law as to only believe what is right no matter how terribly the truth can shatter one? Is it not at time better to lie and pretend something never happened to save one's own life who is at peril?"

2008-01-04T08:37:00.000-08:00

5 New Year Wishes:

1. Will ace college exam this time
2. Can get a House
3. Can get a Car
4. Can have a GF
5. To have all the power everyone could ever dream of/ to die young.

2007-12-31T09:24:00.000-08:00

"Our differences makes us great; our differences makes us unique;If our differences is shared we can achieve much more; sadly, differences is often unwelcome, therefore great people are often smeared upon when they were younger. The similarity that most forgets is that of dreams and differences, until this is recognized they'll then only learn to appreciate one another."

I woke up in the morning feeling kinda gorgy...It was just like any other day, the dreams were on something I always wanted - personal relationship. It was already late mid morning, and so I decided to munch on some leftover bits and crumbs of Christmas cake. I can't say it was filling but it did the job of satisfying my stomach for awhile.

Not sure what it was but it must have been me spacing out and day dreaming again. I was at a place where I could clearly see the stars from the bench and there beside me was some one I like. In my hands was her gift I've brought for her a few days before. I wasn't sure of the occasion but in my mind was something telling me on when was the gift brought and why but I did not pay much attention to the details so well, it just slipped.

Anyway I got close to her and ask her to close her eyes while I wear her cross on her. After doing so I told her not to open her eyes then gently lick her lips and gave a peck on her forehead before she opened her eyes. After that everything went blank and I was told I can find out myself what might happen. When I tried to sleep later on I find myself in a total difficult situation *too excited*. *blush* anyway it's my update for now.

2007-12-30T10:45:00.000-08:00

Quotes:
Somehow, loneliness, jealousy and hatred draws me to the deal with the devil of my thoughts; my only purity lies in the thought of God and the angel state of mind of to whom I will be likeliness to.

I fear therefore I turn to a farthest route to the journey.

Some stuff I made while bored:
Along tread a man to a bank for a borrow,
In that his dept is payed by the morrow,
No matter in flesh or marrow,
Of winter chills or songs of sparrow,
Be it back with arrows,
Or out from the burrow,
With that an impossible put him to his sorrow.

2007-12-27T08:29:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure hwy but it seems I wasn't quite available to write in my blog for some time, but either way, I'm grateful that I'm available this time. I not sure whether I'm alright these few days that had passed but anyway I'll be writing on it.

One fine morning I woke up, the sun then was as high as it was in the blue sky, it was then I thought to myself "Ah another year's passing by...it just seems yesterday I started my semester and now I'm reaching the end of nooby time, yet somethings never change." I laugh to myself after seeing both my brothers were at each other's throats again. It was then I froze and got hit by the sudden feeling of loneliness and isolation; everything just went silent and blank...I just felt so lonely, rejected, it's like all my jealous moments just flash by me and I was taken to a place where I felt so helpless. I was broken but no one noticed; I wanted help but rejected offers...I know I'm not invincible but I don't like anyone being hurt by me or through helping me.

I wish at times things were easier but I can't really complain since I rejected people's help and I only trust my feelings to a selected few; even so the selected few I've let them down...I used to trust in God much more than this but I just lost Him as I want to do things my way and for those whom I like, who likes Him, I wanted them for myself. I guess I was greedy and lustful. No matter what excuses I have to justify my act, I know what I did wrong. But I guess I was really dumb to like someone who give their all to God and wanting them all for myself...away from God.

When I step in church on Christmas day, there was first the worship, then followed by a series of even that was pretty "entertaining"(there's a reason of which I use that word). It come to the Carol where she was participating in. I just watch there and running through my mind was the though of her running after God and giving her all without holding much back, I wish I was with her all the time on that journey, it was then I realize that she was better a free bird than with me. I was moved and was crying inside hating my hatred and jealousy that was there in the first place. I don't know why was I moved, neither do I know myself any more at that moment of time.

With this I was taken to another point of my life where I could clearly see where my youngest brother was doing things for me; no matter how bad I treated him, he still helps me and left things for me no matter how much noise he makes or how irritating he may be. In the same picture I saw that he thinks of me of the coolest guy he knows (dang! I'm in tears on my inside again)even when others looks as me as some normal guy. It's not like I do not know this but I never seems to remember of them till now.

Looking back at all this, I was brought to a nearby future where I see not my friends again that were there to paint the colors in my college life due to my held back after failing a few of the first year sem's exam. With that thought in mind I was struck totally still since I've not been treating people well in my family, and in church; my main focus was guys in college and out there in the net and when these falls apart, I have no where to turn to...not even to God, all this guilt all these burden, I wish I had changed, but I didn't, I couldn't forgive myself easily even if others who have been treating me well could. I never asked for them but they came along the way and was some how a part of my life. Even my parents....no matter how much I some times hate them but I feel I'm cared for.

Now, as another year is coming to an end I feel like my time with everyone is shorterning, my only wish is that I can appreciate them better.

2007-12-16T09:25:00.000-08:00

Hmmm....been a while since I updated, my fingers are no longer a familiar friend to that of the keyboard it seems. No matter, just recently in church today I lost my footing and nearly fell. I've never fell before and just so you know this falling is bit like the fainting kinda fall, it's not like it's my first time but this time I went half way down before pulling myself up again, while a lady asked me whether I was ok. Being surprise, I immediately said I was fine and just went to the toilet to refresh myself.

Dating just a day back, I yelled at my bro for no reason, all he did was being concern. I'm not sure what's gone into me. Maybe, I'm losing control of myself due to jealousy and hatred. I'm really not sure now what's going on but I'm sure I'm losing more grip on myself. It was once said I was not capable of feeling the emotion of jealousy, but it was proven wrong when I see that I'm already lacking far behind. It was also said I was always cool and calm and rarely let my anger side show, but these few days, if you are lucky enough you might just see and live. I'm not sure. Neither am I feeling too well.

I wonder at times what maketh me so different, now I wonder how long can I remain sane before I lose my grip on myself completely due to the strong grasp of feelings.

QUOTE:

"I'll stand out different from the others and people know it; I'm shot down every time I do that but like grass I stand again till like grass I whither away to the wind when time comes."

"At times I feel weak; at times mighty but without anyone these would proved to be useless and in the end I wither and slither away."

2007-12-03T08:15:00.000-08:00

November 29th:

My friends planned a birthday in Chillies. I got there early (well actually they were late by 2 hours so it counts as I'm there earlier by 2 hours) and waited while chatting with some of the waiter and the captain over there. Why Chillies? Well, we were eager to try some thing new other than the usual Chinese coffee shop food, so yeah, here we are booking at Chillies to celebrate SC's birthday which in fact is two days from today.

The 30 minutes of wait, talking and calling seems like forever but it was nice having company though my mind was already panicking and doubting they might be coming. At precisely 28 minutes I decided to head for a seat and order, just than Foong Lin and her boy friend came. We had some talk which lead no where before they got to their own world and me-in the computer games. I lost track of time as I played, pop in some chips, drank and then pop down more chips, while FL and Her boyfriend played with one another cheekily.

In no time the 2 hours were gone and yet no shadow were to be seen. So we nearly decided to pay leave the place since we thought SC and the other guys were gonna be a no show. But as soon as I packed the lap top, the remaining 5 came...with a sigh of relieve, I thank God, and I continued on packing the lap top and then joining in their chat.

We talk for some time before ordering. A thing that I noticed was that even thought the place was pack the people didn't look that worked out or pissed...they kept their cool...something that where I was working at lack of. Mel seems to be doing little as it seems but then it still contribute to the overall picture of a pack and well done restaurant. My friend complained it being slow and unfriendly but in my mind I know he knows not what he's saying. Maybe it's cause my experience has caused me to think in such a way as to empathize rather than to be self centered, or, it was just myself bias due to it of a friend I admire working there, but whatever the cause I'm sure that it wasn't much of slow or unfriendly as was the way customers were asked to be treated at the place I worked at.

The food came as expected - nicely done, plentiful and aromatic...the portion was generous and we each share the food. After which when we finish eating, 2 of us went to collect the cake and the other two went in search of a present. As surely as I say, I could not thank God enough for that of his provision and that everyone had enough to eat.

At the end of the day when I got home with some left overs and were scolded for being late. (Mumbles: it was the car's fault for not starting)

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November 30th:

The day started off fine, as I left the house early to get 3 slices of cake to replace the ones I had so wanted to reserve for my friend (which had been consumed by my mom, dad and brothers :( ). I bought the slices and went over to hand it to the waiters there since my friend's shift was at later 4 in the afternoon.

I Went back to work and met the boss with a smile. Being it the last day I was working there I knew there was something to be expected...a kind of farewell. It is not that I get that all the time but the people were just different that day...they were trying to hard to hide something. But ah...well I tag along. I serve the customers nicely and received handsome amount of tips of which I took to my consumption since it was already said I may collect from the customers myself it they personally left it for me. (though most of the times the manager do not care and wishes that I put them either way into the box. I did that for some time until I was pissed at the way I was at times treated by both the manager and some irrational customers...the days after that I took them for my own {This of which gave me a chance to eat at Japanese restaurants and Italian cuisines}). I had double break that day and later on I was scolded for no reason due to bad timing again. I was pissed for some time and later God brought sense back to me again.

Unfortunately that did not last long until another customer came in and sat during the take away time since I have no overtime salary and I wanted to go home, I was got to the edge of where I was and decided to chases them away by silently packing the whole place myself. Well it may seem selfish but still I'm doing it for the better of others also since it's already late and some needs to walk home. Anyway, I packed the whole place and cleaned up a bit while doing than I also heard them telling each other how unfriendly the people are in the restaurant. At that point of time even though I was shot and pierced by those words I did not really care my mind only reply was "You are here to eat and since you are done with your food leave, I'm not paid to socialize neither would it benefit the majority others if I were to socialize with you all...complain all you want but know this - you came at the wrong time and it is wrong of you to petty yourself at the expanses of others".

After they finally left, the place was cleaned and the farewell egg throwing party began. heh heh heh heh heh heh....as I eggggg.....spected! The eggs were thrown at me but most of them bounced off me and hit the floor; only the guy who broked the egg off my back manged to get egg on me...the rest was just funny. Later that aftermost of us left I drove home half naked. My mom though I went on to another fight and got people killed, injured or some thing. Anyway I self smiling that night. It ain't all bad after all.

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December 1st

The day was tiring at first, training was good, I injure my own leg when trying to "show off" (I forgot what's the word that have the same meaning as counter check). Me and my bro got home as usual and showered up, after lunch I went straight to bed and waking up about 4/5 in the afternoon, where I join Casper in playing the PS2 (As usual I suck at his games).

By 5.30 I got ready for the prom and left to pick my friend up from his place before heading down to the prom. Mid way I was asked to turn back to pick his girlfriend. After which he kept whining and complaining about being late (this ticks me off when he kept on putting the blame on me when in fact it was his own decision that made us late). I got to the prom angered with all my mood spoiled. There were plenty of beautiful girls and gauntly looking guys (seriously, I wonder how they ended up together). I shook hands with some of the well know people as well as the host of the prom without knowing who they were at first. The music was just noises sooo loud that it nearly turned me deaf; the only real music was the song No One by Alicia Keys and some other song by some other women, the rest was just pure noise (no offenses to those who likes it).

The food was not bad...since it was free I'd think the food quality was superb. The place was nicely set and seats well coordinated. It was really a sad thing that I have no date of a friend who's a girl who was there with me. Everything was just so nice. Even other gorgeous girls asked to dance with us but since my mood was bad they back off when they saw my face change expression. Ah well...I guess I'm that readable.

The night was young when I decided to retire home to bed early. SC wouldn't let me since it was his birthday. My mood just got worse which then lead to all the awkward photography "session" where I just stood there like a prob. I got home feeling tired and used that day. I went back feeling lonely and depress before sleeping.

The night would have been better if my mood was never spoiled of when I was never there. Anyway I got a few seconds air time which did not look quite like myself...heh heh heh heh heh...

2007-11-24T08:34:00.001-08:00

It's a good day, everything's normal....just tired. No manager around = no mistakes = no getting pissed = perfect day. However, I never got my break ah well, who can blame it since it was a busy day after all (I even forget to punch my punch card dang....there goes my one day salary.)

Thoughts one my head: "God, I wonder what's keeping me going on? Is it you or my lust for power or the people around me that I like in silent? Is it the will to oppose the world and to make my own road or just to be ordinary like the rest" I wonder and my reply was "The lust to oppose and make a name for myself" it's always about the me but then I thought carefully,it was by the existing others who gave me support that I lived this far, but at the same time it is also by the existence of these people I got cut when I was rejected. I guess it is always a give and take in the end. By my thoughts I knew I put God Second or far behind but in truth I really have nearly blotted him out due to me wanting things my way. I guess only God can discipline me in his own time.

2007-11-23T09:46:00.000-08:00

What I’ve learn from my working experiences so far is to want power, no matter what it is, with a position or not, whether I need it or not, just want it to be untouchable, undeniable, unchallengeable, un blamable, and always in a position where I’m free from the chains other people faces. The cost? I’m willing to pay whatever it is if there’s such an offer. People say working hard and smart…well, what I see is working hard makes you a dog more, working hard by kissing asses everyday gets you somewhere. When you are below you are always step on. I for one is known as an elite by some group of people. This title comes from the word Lyvon (Leon in English, it carries the meaning of lion, to be able to lead in pacts and to work powerfully in pacts and to be able to stand alone). I was said to have only the strength of only the wolves class but it was proven otherwise.

To be more direct, an Elite- takes no shit, gives no shit, wants no shit, and cleans no shit, if only if you treat me well and as a friend I’ll treat you the same. Blaming me and not solving the problem or for the wrong reasons without apology is consider a treason against me and I don’t like it when I receive such a treatment for some many times before I lay my judgment and punishment…be it boss or followers it is the same rule with me, stab me some little times and I’m tired of it, I’ll stab you to death or till you kill yourself inside. Try to kill me mentally…impossible after that cause I’m long dead inside from all the stabbing I receive every day. If you want to counsel or advice me do it the right way from soft to hard else your action is not to be considered. My rules are my law and order, best for you and me, oppose it, you suffer. A thing with the title Lyvon, you can’t kill me but only I can kill myself.

Now even after I left the group of people, I’m still can be considered capable thought not as strong but still I can do some damage before I go down. I wonder at times why does people want me to be aggressive when I’m nice to them by asking “Why can’t you be aggressive?”. As I once said and I say it again, if I’m aggressive, many would have died a long time ago cause I would give absolutely ZERO resistance to anything that comes in my way. It’s not that I’m boasting but just the fact that I’m tell you about what I think and how I am like inside. I know I’m not strong in games and studies and most of the things and I’m slow in learning but at time just beware who you are underestimating.
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23rd November, 2007
Went to work early and had a long break from 11 to 4pm of which was suppose to be an interview time. Went to watch a movie titled Beowulf with a friend. It wasn’t a good movie but it was entertaining….well, even if it was animated it was not suitable for kids, in other word the movie contain sexual materials of which I find to be funny…believe me, I was laughing allot in my mind. I went to the interview place and got send away again but I will be back there on Monday. Went to work and made error with Frost lemon and frost lemon tea due to some confusion, the boss made an error himself in the quantity and he blamed me…well, I already showed him the order list so there was nothing to say on my part except that he’s not seeing good.
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22nd November, 2007
Visited Mel today and passed her something I think that might cheer her up or encourage her. I got frustrated that I could not get an interview again for a post else where. Today my performance slack and I forget more often. I made a few errors today.
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21st November, 2007
I got to work as usual, little pissed about the traffic and at the supposedly schedule interview, everything’s fine till an old lady and her niece entered and ordered a fish and chips (of which was available at that time of moment) and some other stuff, I waited for some time for the food to come and then I got a late message from the kitchen saying there’s no more fish and chips (of which was not true) , being there I told the customer and got a scolding, and my mood worsen, when the manager came he scolded me for being blind and ignorant for allowing the customers to order an unavailable item. Being pissed I told him the kitchen told me it was in stock so I permitted it and that I wasn’t serving the guest during the HSBC event on that day (which was yesterday). After a while when the customer had foot the bill the fish and chips arrive out from the kitchen, that pissed me off and I told the manager off saying that “ Ah! Now we’ve got fish and chips right? Why did you say no just now?” And I knew he could not bear to fire me cause he haven’t a replacement for my post yet neither can he stop me from leaving so he ate the fish and chips (ate his words) that came out, left work early and we saw him not again later that day.
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20th November, 2007
We had plenty of customers, I helped the manager in planning the seating arrangements and what to do and what not to do. I go for an early break of which I took wanting to see Mel on her first day of the job…looks as if she’s doing so far so good but she’s gonna have exams soon. When I got back I see many customers and was thinking surely the manager heard not what I had told him earlier regarding the one hour early close time to set the place up, well either that or he’s a fool, anyway we ended up hurrying customers and chasing most of them away, the worse part was I wasn’t assign to be part of my plan, instead it was some one else and I was demoted to only send things…being pissed I left the inside the shop to his “angels” and serve the people outside being angered my mind was not on what I was serving so I ended up spilling some of the customer’s Ice Lemon Tea on myself and the ground. It was unlucky, Luckily Ice Lemon Tea was free flow that day. Due to no dinner break time I stole some food from the customer’s left over Brownies which were delicious as I munch down the whole thing in 3 bites.

2007-11-11T08:53:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, or was it just Wednesday or a Tuesday night…I had a dream of which took place in a church or rather a small cell setting, It was relevant to that of the sermon or rather an activity given to us that we each had to wrote something that God had done for us….it was kinda like what really happened a few Sundays before but this time is what God had done for us. Being blank, I look around for an answer. I turned to Jason and ask what should I write about, he said just write it’s easy. I being sarcastic told him that maybe I can make things up and made it sound like the greatest thing God can ever do for us. But that in fact was a stupid remark by me but instead of being annoyed or ignoring me, Mel went to the issue and told me that I’ll leave it blank for now or write down what really happened to me and how was God there, she told me to come out with a time table, a list of subjects and pray every time before beginning any subject and ending any subject. This poke me and I wanted to say something back to her…I really wanted to but I couldn’t…cause after she said that I woke. Somehow the dream still stuck in my head till now but whenever I think back at it, I just wish that I hear her say that in reality *of course not in a scripted/ robotic kinda way. But just to hear her say that would mean allot to me*. But in the end of the day a dream’s a dream it never happened.

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It was the third day that I’m working in Secret R where I was already late for my job due to mom wanting to fetch me there at a convenient time to fetch my bros later on. I being late got to Secret R and dress up for my job, but when I entered I saw it was already pack with customers. I hurriedly took the order for the table that had new arrivals and then serve the other customers with their order. There was a long table, a table of six connected together where the people there are the noisiest. I for one serve them with their order and was at that moment trying my best to resist me demon from escaping due to the abundance of noise things start to get worse when a guy keep on complaining and being unreasonable beyond my reasoning…to say that he belong to any race is a real joke, he isn’t an animal or a dust at all yet he treats us waiter like trashy guys by constantly asking when is his food coming and when I turned my back and head to the kitchen to tell the chef of the current situation, he told my manager that I was rude. At that time we only had 2 waiter and 1 chef, and 3 bar guys, there weren’t drinks so all of us are waiting on the chef to come out prepared with the dishes so we could serve, when he complain he said that we’re all wasting time and not preparing his food, so I was pissed beyond the limits and told a fellow staff that this guy should try to work single handedly and try on a one day’s job to have a feel of what I went through and the chef gone through….the whole thing was taxing on us….food was slow, plenty of noise from his table, and plenty of mess from his table too *they ate like pigs with everything literally everywhere, and the move like zombies…their speed and arms are slow and aimless and pointless just swaying around. The spilled another customer’s soup and put the blame on me again at this time I was about to explode, so I called the assistant manage to talk to them while I totally ignored their existence due to their pathetic animal like behavior. The worst part was that the boss gave the jerk a free meal the next time he visits and it’ll be from my pocket. I was so pissed that day that I could have broke a tile in the toilet of 1 U but as usual, there are guys to calm me down. At times I wonder what would happen if these guys that can restrain me did not exist, would anyone or thing stand in my way when I’m angered? The answer…NO… people would have been brutally murdered with their bodies apart and organs entering places it could never been able to enter from in the first place. Thank God for them still living else it’ll be a fun day for my other side.

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Fifth day working at Secret R,I met a Malay family who spoke good fluent English with proper accent…least it is proper to me, the looks of the 2 elder daughter looks attractive, but the youngest one was pretty spoiled, she wanted everything and whine endlessly. Well, for the parents I have really no comment. The two daughters wore mini skirt, not that tight and is able to spread quite wide. The funniest thing was that one never wore panties and her pussy could be seen quite clearly while the other, the eldest, wearing a braces has an awesomely attractive looks, she kinda looks bit like Hai Bee, it was funny and a good free turn on to see them eat, who says working as a waiter ain’t good? It’d nice if they are single and I could get her out for a date. Ha ha ha ha…but again it is an “if”. Anyway, I had my time of fun and chatting with KF from taekwondo when he and his sis and me were having our break time. I hope it’ll remain fun and interesting as always.

2007-11-04T05:23:00.000-08:00

Some times people's got to die; some times people don't,
but not all live forever; not all live a short live,
I can never die; I can never live,
Yet in its irony I had already both; yet in its prediction I have none,
At times I wonder of my foolishness; at times I think that of my wisdom,
What have I not; what I had,
to the far past; to the far future,
of probabilities; of certain out comes,
of the actions; and non action,
of this inverse; right side life,

In the end when others can live; I already am gone for my task is either for myself or for others around me to live...both can never meet....so tell me destiny and I tell you what I saw, tell me I'm lying and I'll tell you I wish I was.

2007-11-01T20:46:00.001-07:00

7 things to be done before death:
-go for a long walk at my favorite places
-have one whole day fishing
-spend time with a love one (well either that or I talk to a rock)
-have a nice buffet
-sleep with many women (if and only if I have no gf / wife)
-spend time with my dog
-pray and at last rest in peace during my sleep

7 things i will not do even if it kills me:
-Giving in to authorities just because of they are powerful
-Accepting people leadership over me when they are not capable to me
-Eat human meat
-Sleep with my friends’ sister/ gf (unless they allow me to then muahahahaha…)
-Kill myself (I can’t even if I wanted to…just can’t)
-Remain silent when I know something that will make the whole world my.
-Be a homosexual

7 things i want to say out loud right now
-I need a new pc!
-I ain’t a rock-star, porn-star, actor, singer, artist please accept me as I am!
-Ke Yin I’ll get you for this!!!
-Free food needed
-GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH…*anger*
-Where are all my college and school friends?!
-Tired!

7 things i do when i am away from the public
-Play with the computer
-Sleep
-Sing *I sing bad so I have to avoid people*
-watch porn (well I’m a guy after all)
-masturbate (hey, least I don’t hide it like the others)
-play with knifes / read manga/ search for more food
-Pray

7 favourite sentences/quotes (This I think you really gotta read through my blog…there are plenty there)
-HA! You hardly know me after so long, maybe that’s why no one will ever know me.
-Get back to work!
-Train my game acc or I won’t let you use my computer!
-I’m not interested in your love life between both of you so don’t ask me to hurry up.
- I was the greatest…now I’m nothing.
-My friends it is time for us to rebel against the greater authority.
-I am I, wind cannot change me…only I can!

7 favourite songs of all time
-English songs
-Japanese songs
-Korean songs
-Chinese songs
-Arabic songs
-Techno songs
-Rave music

7 things I'll make you wish you didn't do if you did
-breaking up with your gf
-trying to commit suicide
-winning / losing
-trying to scam me (I’ll make you pay personally)
-stepping on my bed /resting on my bed without permission
-stealing my things
-using God as an excuse

7 Fav food / drinks
-1st on my list are fishies <3
-Chocolates
-Cheese cake
-Milk peal tea
-Chinese tea
-100 plus
-All meat and vegetables falls here

7 people i want to tag
I don’t have many people on my mind or on my list so I’ll get ke yin first
Sunny next
Ann Sze
Melissa
Kin Fai
Ronin (if you have a blog if not friendster’s fine)
My bro (someone please find out his blog and let me know cause he’s keeping it from me)

2007-11-01T03:32:00.000-07:00

Tag!!! you're in!!

RULES:

1. The tag victim has to come up with 10 different points about his/her perfect lover.
2. Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
3. Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
4. If you are tagged the second time, there is NO need to do this again.
5. Lastly, and most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT.

Height for one doesn’t really matter for me…well physically beauty doesn’t really matter to me also cause my taste for one is huge…like many foods I like I might even like you. But inner beauty is nice. Being able to satisfy or control my desire is nicer too.
1. Not a smoker and not an avid drinker.
-Isn’t smoking badly for health; you can drink but too much is bad…drink Japanese vinegar it’s good and as nice to drink as hard drinks too.
2. Kind hearted (I was tempted to put cruel but then later I suffer)
- I don’t know why really but this time I think I’m stereotyping a girl’s characteristic bit too much
- being kind is nice
3. Rational person
- Able to save money and spend it wisely.
-don’ be unreasonably angered at nothing.
4. Enjoy something in common together
- well family time is good especially with kids…kiddies…an empire of kids muahahahahahaha….nvm forget I said that…I won’t make you suffer too much
- I want to be with you because well I’m a lion and a lion doesn’t hunt alone. In short I do need you.
5. Honest
- It’s part of what every men wants but me I don’t just want it…you’ll have to qualify cacuse other men just wanna bang you and get done with it I don’t.
6. Able to fight/ guy like a bit
- Swearing is bad so well as little as possible
- To be able to fight so that I have a good partner that can hit hard and can play with me when I miss my good old days.
- Ok when I mean guy like it doesn’t mean I like girls with leg hairs and moustache and having other guy feature…one more guy asking me that and I’ll kill for sure.

7. Single and loyal
- well I want not to share or steal from people too often so yeah this is it.
- nvr cheat on me. I’ll probably send my people to do the job for me and maybe I can see you in heaven?

8. Open outwardly
- Nothing beats a girl who’s open cause then we’ll know each other better.
- Since I’m shy in some ways it’ll be good to have someone who’s opposite in my personality

9. Know how to cook
- Your food need not be the best...as long as it is edible.
- Eating out too often is a pain beside cooking together would be fun...heh heh heh heh heh...

10. Patient
- I nvr like argument neither the raise of voice….debates are fine but using voice and not being proper and polite just well irritates me at times.

My victim:

Sunny/ keyin’s so dead for this…anyway, I have very little friend who blog so I think I call on ann sze.

2007-11-01T00:06:00.000-07:00

Some stuff I find to be funny reading:

see people tremble, see the heaven raised in flames and know that only you forgotten your lunch bag.

eat sleep, shit work and play with you food!

get your paws off me and your muscles in there.

Please don't rape me yet wait for me to be arouse first.

Man 1: my daughter Casy loves to say no. I really don't know what to get her for her birthday.
Man 2: Get her a pet cat?
Man 1: She has allergy.
Man 2: How about a doll?
Man 1: She doesn't like it?
A women just happen to heard this and said: How about getting her a casy no?

The school had recently ban the use of drugs and cigarettes being desperate the student is eager to find a new way to get high.
Girl 1: We can't smoke now and we aren't allowed any drugs.
Boy : Tell me about it...no sex, condoms and boost makes it duller
Girl 2: Other than these stuff there are not other facilities to keep us entertained.
Boy : Good news I heard from my friend that the boy's toilet in the south wing can give anyone the boost that'll knock them out.
Girl 1& 2: Really?
Boy : yeah let go there and check it out.
They reach the toilet and the smell of which made them high.
Boy : this is heaven
Girl 1: Yeah
Girl 2: it's way better than what you said just now though I nvr tried them.
Girl 1: I wonder what it is.
Girl 2: Do you know what is it?
Boy : beats me.
Girl 2: Lets go check it out.
Boy : I would do it if I were you cause I have a...
Girl 2: Why? *said while opening up the door*
The boy and the other girl fainted...while the girl that open the door was petrified at the sight of the skunk.

Quotation:
Gibberish is me English and the only language I speak...well it is what others said but to me they are.

Pull the human cell apart and get rid of one item see if it last...my guess is everything is some how related.

2007-10-30T20:12:00.000-07:00

Today’s another day….a day like anyother, except my mom uses a knife to threaten me for nothing. Maybe’s cause I ain’t listening to reason anymore or maybe it’s cause I’m not doing anything to try and be out of trouble. To be said frankly I was no longer afraid at that time of the point I was thinking more of a challenge….if you are gonna kill me mom, go ahead and kill me, if it’s gonna make you feel fine then go ahead. My life? I could not be bothered anymore….I have no one’s my back cause I’m taking my own way and riding it my liking cause first of all no one would ever know me or even understand me at all from the start, I speak a different language, look at things in a funny kid like way (wow….I’m a huge kid now) and I can’t really manage my own keep and property without staggering.

To say I am depress ain’t too far from right, to say I’m suicidal…it’s up to you to decide. I’ve been running my life to win and to compete against others, failing to comply means giving no other meaning to my life since first off my dreams are no longer at hand and what I’m leaving off now is to be something totally defer from what was originally planned. Someone once told me, I’m not weak, stupid or foolish but I just don’t know when to run and I kept holding on to crutches even when I can walk perfectly fine. It speaks in a simpler form like these:
1. I am capable but knows not when to submit
2. I refuse to listen to others or accept help, making myself in a worsen state
3. I’m bringing unnecessary burden with me, whenever I choose to take the road less taken by others
Then again, it maybe my arrogance that lead me and blind me from what’s beforehand - being hard headed and not wanting to listen for advices, self denial and refusing to see the bad of myself before judging others.

Maybe it’s because of these I had many failures…be it to speak the truth or to maintain a friendship or even carry my points to others. What I’ve often tried to hide would eventually bring my end and I already known it. My friends who had been supportive and correcting are my true friends; me on the other hand had just been a fair weather friend to them. I always tried to help but it turns out I’m stirring more mud in the water than clearing things up. Trust that I want so much to retain ended up being broken and lost due to my misactions. It’ll always seems like a small thing to many others but it mean the whole world to me because I have little friends and people about me. Sometimes I wonder why am I still preserved…it’s as if my life is cursed or something….there’s bad blood among me and other people, even within my own family, we wake up and kill each other with our stares and looks, Whenever I tried to do the right thing their thoughts only remember of the bad.

Maybe that’s cause I’m ignorant enough to say “everyone’s a friend”…maybe it’s my jealousy that ruin everything or my strive to put down others who wants to be me or to beat me in my only ground. Then again I never really did trust anyone cause I lied most of the time to prevent my true self from being known I know that’ll lead me to lead a false life following a false promise but isn’t it better that the truth? Since it is often smeared upon? No one want to know that I’m weak, incapable, prone to any weakness, indecisive, or a goody-goody, what people always would want is the results cause it always speaks louder, no matter how one may phrase it…it is still the result they wants…they want someone’s strong, capable, powerful, always in control, fearless, charming and all, they never really care as long as you flatter them. My life is to rule over others by trying my best to break the system by letting others see my life that magnifies the system. However, my grip now is losing as I’m losing focus on my goal; I’m falling bit by bit by the day….pretty soon I’d end up my own.

I lied cause I want to protect myself and others, I lied to destroy others so I won’t be harm, I lied to gain power and control so much so I destroyed the promise of the 10 commandment. No matter how I tried to justify it I know I’m still wrong and there are better ways but it always involve my reputation….it is not to say that lying doesn’t make you lose your reputation, but there’s a chance no one would find out except God. With that I can say I had many skeletons in my closet. At times the wrong thing’s the thing to do but it must never be the option should it? I learn it myself it should never be, no matter what or how desperate you are. May b it’s cause I’m over with it that’s why I said that then again would I ever stop sinning against anyone and most of all God? That alone is a story of the future to be told.

Breaking from that, some may had known I tried to kill myself many times before due to wanting the best for others by staying away from their life forever…but you must know one thing…of why I never succeeded…it’s cause something always interrupts half way before I took the action….either that or I just would not die when I tried to hang myself. People wanting to live cause they see something more ahead….a promise, a hope, changes…me? I only see a long road that seems to lead nowhere, with little crosses of path. People often says you can hate something and like it at the same time…given me everything and anything can be this cause nothing’s perfect everything needs one another but the way people portray it in front of me is that this is omnipotent, that is omnipotent so much so it’s like saying the world’s by itself, itself…if this is so the our body itself is waging and unending war between every different part and all of us would not have been living.

I’ve been a thief, politician, actor, bully, bullied, monitor of law and both a leader and a follower I’ve learned most of the times lying and pretending’s better cause even how sure we see a situation to be it never always seems as it is from the point of others. Another thing before I go off is that it’s better that I lie than me hurting more with my words. And it’s till here for now. Sorry and thanks for reading.

2007-10-23T22:59:00.000-07:00

went for an interview on octber 23rd, 2007 not sure the out come.
I was told I don't need a resume so I did not bring any. I was caught unprepared in that area....so much for trusting people.
This job had a contract of 3 months, something of which my friend never told ma about until I've gone through the interview.
Headed down to KL where I saw the contract of which is to be 3 months....I refuse to sign.

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Quotations:
some times I love and want not it be seen as love, so I use the likeliness of hate to cover up; some times I hate and yet not want it to be seen, use the likeliness of love to cover up.

Shall I ask of whose head I wanna see rolling or which of my sins I see my head rolling on the ground.

Pictures....interesting thing, so is pornography....but like everything even that of which is said to be bad cause it turns people on and giving them false imagination is that will grow bored eventually.

I made the law, I bend the law, everyone else pay the price.

I say I love God in my many songs I sing at church, but when comes a day - any other day, my action speaks a lie.

Knowledge, power and charisma is a curse...why do you still want it? -by: Lester Chin Kent Lake-

I kill cause my feeling are killed, I lust because it is something I could not have, I destroy cause I just love to break things apart and permanently smash the lives out of em!

2007-10-15T08:07:00.001-07:00

this who day has been pissing...this whole weeks been irritating....I found not the reason why but I was told by some one I already know why...so here's the reasons of what I think:

1. I side tracked and back slide away from God

2 I've rebelled against His words (this is by not keeping up to my words and by being jealous of everyone and irrationally envy those who have gifts and cursing at everything. Besides that I refuse to submit to His plan that He has for me. Why? I for one don't like some one over me...if He is to ask me to submit to some one greater whom I not known yet...why should I...besides, I still want someone or something and I know it is not lawful of me to have but still I want...I don't care....I really don't care what it is to be done anymore...I know God has been giving me way allot but what's with not allowing me to have some things that are good? hidden evil? plans for them to be with others...they are not my to have? what?!)

3 Disobey the 10 commandments - I've sinned all and in full knowledge of what I did...that of which pains me...my knowledge haunts me...It's like when I say there's no God; He's always there and looking at me. Grrrrrrrrrrrrraaagh.

4 Being selfish onto other and forcing them to work for me and to do as I please - I work people till they're tired, work them again till they are drain and more drain till they could not work anymore and tries their best to avoid me....still I work them. At the same time I use what they did to me to instill fear back onto themselves so they know that I'm cruel and would not play anymore games.

5 Killing of God's people - again I said I've done it but this time I won't justify myself why...no matter their methods and what they done I still have no rights...whether or not they are of God or not like me...I should not have move heavy judgment on them to cause them to loose their believe.

All I can do now...is say "I really don't know...I really don't know, my sweet dreams are now liken that of nightmares...they remind me of God's mercy and grace, that of which I showed none. My lust for the flesh of innocent people, of power, of great might are there to remind me that I am evil, cruel and have very little good left in me....with that comes anger bitterness of all days, I wish I can describe it more but it shall end as was described. I asked why is what I want so different that what's God but there's no answer...just my mind thinking about God wanting us to do the things he wants to do. I never like no choices but I have to take that path one day or I'll loose out, but when I see the others, when I see the others I see their pain and joys in the paths. I know of my death of the route I am to take...but I am unwilling, I nvr want to disappoint God but it seems when I try to do the "right thing I did evil...from there I want people for myself. I accept all judgments as I could find no more to look up to.

Every where pain. God please redeem me, safe me from my growing self, listen to the cries of those I've put down. U really don't know what I want anymore...to be heard? to be able to have someone or something? to be great? to submit to people and rule through advise? To kill myself? to be confuse...God just please show me some thing and a way through people. even when everything in my achademic world is falling apart...I don't wanna kill more people, I don't want to sin, I know I had a choice and I made the wrong one...I know my wrongs...help my Jesus from this net I've put myself in before more are hurt...please.

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I don't know why but I'm just getting more drain by the day...

2007-10-08T08:14:00.000-07:00

I'm currently very sick...very very sick....the pain of which no longer hurt me for I feel them no more...the only thing keeping me living was a lie a lie of a promises I told myself, for it itself was never certain, yet I hold on to it.

Riddles a side, I was sick after last Wednesday when I accidentally swallowed a fish bone which poked into my throat and gave me a soar-throat, from then on my health went downward and so does my morale towards everything...yet I was reminded of loyalty in times of need, in times of desperation when other option seems right, yet loyalty and true faith seems to sip in and bore fruits of sweetness. Again I have to admit that God is truly marvelously in His ways.

Now as I feel weaker and more tired than ever, I hope that I may last till the exams are over...maybe I hope to last to see the one...

2007-10-04T01:45:00.000-07:00

I'm a soldier, I've been to many wars. I seen many blood shed. Today's just like any other day where we fight, not just so to defend but also to push forward to the future. Everyday is similar to another but in it was some thing new; in it was another reason to live on. Day by day, I see my friends move forward and everyday some of the many died; everyday I look to the skies to pray for a simple route so many would not die but I already knew the answer; I already knew that there was no simpler path and that God is not willing to let us go without testing us. Today after many year of His provision, of my constant begging for an easy route, it was my day, my day to finally be at the front line to battle enemies that we know we can never win, enemies that would spring back to life as they retreat even at time I wonder are they even alive.

As I pen down my last thoughts and wishes, I pen down my last bit of soul. Now the time before dawn, my sturdy heart falters no longer. I knew at that moment, the time of begging is finally over. As we line up in a single file to receive our arms, and to be fitted in our armor, my thoughts goes out to the battlefield, to the after life, to the God of which I serve waveringly. The thoughts which crosses my mind, the flashes of my life gave me strength but even it alone was not enough, more of all the strength beyond that of any will of mortal was given by God. As I hoist a gun down my belt by the side of my daggers and thick shell, as I took the shield off from it's stand, as I marched along side my "brothers" towards the abyss, we sang hymns and we look to God, in Him where our faith lies.

By mid-day, we reach the battle ground, our flags flutter like butterflies in the air as the wind blew strong against our steel. We stood staring fearlessly at the faith that awaits us...in our eyes there was nothing else. Waiting, waiting we stood like stone statues on a chess board facing one another, waiting for the players to make their first move. At last with a loud blow from the blow horn, the battle field became animated liken that of gargoyles in the night. We exchanged blows for days and never left the battle field, we fought hard with sorrow, anger, and pain, the enemy, fought the battle with ease for they could not die nor do they feel hurt. Every time when we began to loose heart a shout of victory was raised and we found strength to go on again till the final hour.

When our faith was seal and when we could fight on no longer due to our numbers and strength we gazed upon the night stars and pray to return the next day. I for one have nothing much to return to, only to those important to me, those fade away, those who are willing to help me but I will not their help. For it is of I that I chose not to that those who offers but only that who gives. Even now, I won't ask for any till they are given on to me, I'll not burden others neither would I want them to care me too much. As I muster this I went head on into the army of marching abyss, I fire my rounds till I have no more to fire and continue to fight on with the sword, dagger and shield in hand till I am beaten to the cold lively dirt where I will muster the last of my strength and kill all that I can take and die at last by my own hand. Only then I rest at peace and watch as the others goes forth to their future or return safely to that of their will.

And so I will not my evil will be set afree to wounds those who are close by me. As long as I have a loyalty and a part of love and softness these chains are good enough to hold the daemons in me far at bay till the times of end.

"Let my sacrifices not be in vain but as a ground for you to build on or as a lesson learn."

2007-10-03T01:01:00.000-07:00

Depress again...the exam was super easy and guess what I got? Another F.
I just wish I can some how just bang my head to something and die. This is an event so humiliating that I can say nothing more. Everything's downward for me. Till now I won't say I regretted I've done on my own strength and I'll die by my own strength...it's not that there's no help...the thing is there's always been but I just don't want them....I want to be great myself...I try to be great myself and often that never I achieve great failure. My speech was crappy now, my scores are crappy now, what else is to be crappy? My looks? Crappier. I just don't know what I should do anymore. People known me to have lot of confidence knows by now I've no more, skill, now none, experience all are equals to nothing. What else is there? Have my disobedience that great of consequences? For the start I don't even hav a gf and why do I have this to suffer? why can't this be on others? why in the@#$%^&*()_{}! world must I be worse off than everyone....now where's my credibility? Where's my good will? To answer this with the sound of the wind...it is blow aways like the dead in the current of the oceans. I want everything and have not much I ended up losing everything and gain nothing.

2007-09-20T20:16:00.001-07:00

Some thing I thought off this week:

I'll tell you when I tell you...no point asking for the truth if you don't listen.

What I say have two ends; on you kill yourself; the other you learn about yourself.

Updates:
Sorry for not being able to post my last update...I have problem completing them...too long and it's about my speech. I can't decide which is it...if I do something too simple I might bump into another person with the same topic causing my marks to be pinallized...and I can't do impromptu cause the lecturer needs the script in full sentence.

I'm wondering now what is it to be done...I'm slacking too much...@#$%!^! I must not fail....damn it...I really need more discipline. ok...I stop writing now and back to work. all the best and God bless to all.

2007-09-20T20:16:00.000-07:00

I'll tell you when I tell you...no point asking for the truth if you don't listen

2007-09-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

Been monologuing again in mind mind and abit out loud. Been talking to myself on the issue of polishing a seashell since I'm planning to do that for my procedural speech for public speaking class. I'm not sure how it goes but I roughly remembered what I say and decided to pen it down as soon as possible for tomorrow's the time I forget.

"Does anyone knows what this is? If you are thinking this as a nice pieces of rock from somewhere, you're close...if you are thinking along the line of seashells then you are most certainly right. This my friends is a abalone shell and it is not certainly common to have find it laying on the beach, even rarer to find it in a complete shape. Since it is that hard of a task to find them I've taken the liberty to study some method on how to preserve it. With all the "light" books I've sure been "enlighten" on preserving and to make a seashell look presentable, with that, I'll be teaching or rather telling you all about sea shells and how to preserve them.

First of all I'd like to give you all a warm morning welcome and I'd love to thank you guys for the opportunity to be up here on such a glorious day to present to you the knowledge of which I have obtain from hours of reading.

Before we go anymore further, I'd love to explain what's a sea shell. A sea shell is a hard, rigid outer layer, which has evolved in a very wide variety of different animals, including mollusks, sea urchins, crustaceans, turtles and tortoises, armadillos, etc. Scientific names for it are exoskeleton, and carapace. It is the home to the creature with soft skin and body. Us humans we are as vulnerable as these creatures but not so the physical state but rather the mental, social and spiritual state. You may disagree but hey everyone's different but when you ever find yourself uncertain you'll know what I'm talking about.

Back to the shells they look like rock don't they? And the differences of it and the rock from the looks of it is only one has the presence of life in it while the other doesn't. So now at its raw state, it have not a nice feature neither does it have a good use....(the rest goes on * I can't complete it cause my mind ain't working fine along that lines anymore, no matter how I like to talk about it but I just can't* ask me about it when you see me and I'll tell you.

2007-09-18T04:06:00.000-07:00

Fixed katana...now I don't know how to tie the hilt cloth back dang...and my blade seriously need some sharpening it's getting blunt now.

2007-09-18T03:30:00.000-07:00

The questions which answers the question to the heart of the issue is that to a sword to kill hypocrites where they left themselves unguarded.

Is it reasonable for the greatest to create something greater than him just to prove to those who are lower and wish to bring him down just so that they themselves may die without a savior?

A tree is a tree, no matter what those "philosophers" may claim it to be it is still a tree...in truth we are to learn to appreciate that of which is before us, not to complicate them with theories, madness, and pointless arguments that of which does not bring appreciation but rather people to dislike.

My sword cuts both my enemy and myself but for me the wounds no longer hurt, for others I wonders do they live to see another day.

"Help me ....help me I am going insane....ha ha ha..." says a man who knows nothing of insanity not it's several state....is he to be trusted or that who is to be left alone.

2007-09-15T07:24:00.000-07:00

Screwed my speech again, I guess I have to finally sheath my sword for good or do as the samurai do, sepupu. Had great Bak Kut Teh. Nice talk with Lester. Spend time trying to stay alive in a violent mass murder game. Having sex with millions of girls from every colleges, going on a rampage and killing every *fishies* in the country. The last two is not real but anyway since I'm bored I write non sense? No one's reading anyway...oh yeah, Francis food taste nice...but it is a waste that it is cold.

Got to an accident, lazy to argue had to pay RM80 sigh. Went cyber cafe, had to borrow RM 10 from Elan. Selling shares soon due to unlucky closed down of company....RM66k went down the drain due to "worms in the apple". I have nothing more to say today but my body aches.

2007-09-13T21:31:00.000-07:00

1. To have partial of anything is not the same as to have the whole of everything; just to use the ones one needs for himself and neglect the whole picture is useless; liken that of a man who want a house for only it's roof and nothing supporting it.

2. I who have partial of everything am dangerous for that I have that of a restraining order to that of which are around me; partiality give me strength and will but not of the right reasons, they can be claim as a miracle but it is not of God; just as everything needs a partner and a direct opposition to comprehend one another in weaknesses or in strength to create stability, I too am the same.

3. The word of God must never exist without love; nor does it exist without strictness; if one exist without the other it'll be no different that lawlessness, liken that of pharisees who knows the law and exercise it but only to exploit it onto the people, liken that of leader by the people for the people too consume in wanting to love the people that s/he create a state of rubbery laws that non may progress and live due to many who exploited it.

4. Through conquest one would learn nothing is enough; one may be harden, soften or unchanged- most of the case one becomes numb to the sufferings of the people at times the brittleness of the iron is the cause of strength but it is also the failure in the times most needed after a time in is shed. Liken those of the grass are those who are soft, they bent easily to where the wind blow, stand up again when trampled upon but when the sun or water is no more they wither and be blown away liken dust in the air. Glossy ink into the water are liken those who never changed but changed those around them, liken ink they fade slowly away in their ways as more water is poured into the pot. When any would see an end its when they have all or none at all at the end of the race.

5. I have friends but I choose not to let them help me, I have a God who loves yet I distant from him, I have everything I need yet I want not to use them. Maybe it's because I do not know how or of ignorance I want not help liken a man who knows not the time to sheath his sword and discuss matters when it could simply be done in that. It is a choice that I want not others to be burden, want not a dept I could not pay but with the reason I ended up hurting both myself and others. I choose those who would aid me and when I choose I would not want to choose again, if they perish so goes the side I entrusted them upon. Others I just leave them as they are for they themselves are already a support from the start through their presence.

6. It is funny how people choose not to receive but to blame on those who offer them.

7. There are pillars of which governs one's live that they lead it in such a way; take it away and they'll fall liken roof without pillars. The question of which one needs to ask it how high would I fall without the help of God.

8. The greatest philosophies in life is to look at something in simplicity, innocents , and appreciation for only in such the beauty of God's creation shines; complicate things and you'll hate yourself.

9. To believe in something is to acknowledge it is real and it is to come; to remain in unbelieved even if something is there is utter ignorance.

10.Beware of great things in life, the more it comes your way, the more you will have to loose.

11.I wonder at times does the differences of people bring their differences in their similarity together or the similarities of their difference deffer brings them together? When it was said that each one of us are special and are made for a specific purpose.

12.Pain is before life; nothing that live can go by without pain; however pain like fire can be used for and against, so which is it to you?

13.The devil is spelled as to live evil lie & die. God is to spelled go& do dog. With these I show you the devil's way is to do evil and live life of life then die, with God you are ask to go and live a life in him and serve the people with love no matter how they hate you.

Words of a mad man/ a wise man
By,

Aheron Dean of Mangadownload (Angel of Wind) –Aaron Leon -

2007-09-10T22:07:00.000-07:00

Venting my thoughts
...
...
... ok here goes
graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. damn it damn every thing...why can't things goes as planned? People say it's ok but it never was, wasn't it? I want to do many things an just things are not flowing with my time...it has got to have some thing on last minute does it? I work hard and all I get it crap...I give even my last hair to something and I had to watch it fall don't I? Most of the things I want, they had to go don't they? They say I always have a choice but I really don't have any do I? No matter how I want it to turn out it always have to be worse off or below the par don't it?

BM first test had just passed and I received gred of the quiz back...guess what? only 4.15 out of 5...why can't it be full? Excellent? Why? It looks as if studying ain't that worth at all. It's like testing my patients to the believe of which I hung on to. Must I always be inferior to others? Must my dreams be all shattered? Why must I always put to the spot where I can't take and actions to resist the judgment of others? Why? It's their right? My ass! I have the right too with brutality....isn't that a greater right if I sent you to the heavens than before you can take legal actions? How much longer must I retain a restraining order towards things? How much longer must I pretend it don't matter much and take the heat? How much longer that will my mind take without hurting those around me unintentionally...I say it now that I love them for who they are and their concerns but I can't always keep a restraining order...my limits it already to it's edge...the miracle is how it is still being able to be hold off.

My car radiator pipe leak...just a simple patch of tape cost a nice load of money. I wonder what an Idiot they took me for? I mean it's not even a whole roll of tape used up...just a minor patch...anyone could have done that...it jut not everyone knew what the problem is in the first place but this some one have to take advantage of? Even from the start the car was sent there for a service for the wiper water, now another problem so shortly? A minor hole to be fix and it takes a few hours? What the @#$%^&*(! is wrong with the people? Are they the source of the problem from the start? The way they act, talk and think I assume they're roughly to have a motive for doing so but that's just passing judgment without knowing what really happen. It's like what I got on my plate everyday...people passing judgment on me based on a few mis actions and communications.

All my promises they mean allot to me but I have to break them cause of something else. Why do they have to happen? So that I can numb my feeling towards my words? So that I make no promises? Is that it? Or I'm making a wrong action that I am to be stopped? I really just don't know. I want; I can't get all, I refuse but I'm forced to accept it in the end.

I'm not sure what's going on with me or my head anymore...probably I might be a psychopath killer cause of all the jealousy and anger in me that has been caged up a long time. Probably I might just end up killing myself due to depression of implosion or getting myself killed in the process of subduing everything within me. The question that remains in me is when? how long? and what's going to happen next. I won't claim I know of anything of myself anymore for I'm losing myself, my every bit of sanity..pain does not seems to hurt as much but this time it sends an tingling sense excitement far liken that of ecstasy a wild feeling of freedom, even if it were a sin or lie to feel such pleasure, let it be a sin and a lie for now. It's probably all I have left after feeling so much negative side of things and trying to block them.

As of now I pray I won't pull down anyone around me...for their good.

2007-09-03T01:32:00.000-07:00

I had nothing much to do lately except feeling depress over the fall back due to failing my previous semester. So during which of many times for the past few weeks no matter how good a night it was I just couldn't sleep. My thought of always wanting the best of everything just got me to the last; it just sucks but that isn't end of everything since it's the second time I'm failing everything doesn't seems to matter anymore, it got to a downward spiral...no matter what I'm already doomed to loose and die. I looked back at my memories of friends whom I did not treated well or whom I've wrong as I stayed haunted by both guilt, regret, and loads of other crap of both future and past I could think of. Nothing showed me light, everything point to darkness. Tell me my self-centered ness brought me here and I'll tell you that it's not just an action with a consequences but rather the non actions I took, the inactions that I should not have left blank by the sides lead me here.

A few days ago, I've been drinking. Hoping to get drunk and end up in a fight and die but I couldn't...I remain all sober the whole night. I could still taste the soothing bitter sweet taste of the sake; the bitterness and sweet after taste of the Irish Mist; and the orange skin taste of the Amer Picon. All drown down my belly nothing to waste from the crystal made bottle of many shapes and sizes, so goes my thoughts drown in its bitter state with hatred and jealousy. My cards are good cards I just don't know how to use them cause of that I lost most of that that is given onto me. Tell me something I don't know but you will know that I know much but just unable to pen to words or to share with others at the right time.

Just it seems yesterday I had another friendly sword fight. Both me and my friend face one another, draw our swords and began our fight. Both of us have no armour, no guard gear, only swords, sharp enough to slice a lorry tire with tree apart cleanly. We fought with nothing but our will, me? My hatred towards everything that had not gone right for me. We fought for 35 minutes, I was drench in sweat like a kid playing in the rain- all the wet in the top but I could still go on. He, was losing his breath but was dry from end to end. My only thought during the fight-vengeance, to hurt, to rip, to destroy, jealousy of the world, hatred to my failures. His thoughts? I never really know what it was other that it was just for practice that we do that...maybe there was something keeping him on...maybe...After the whole 35 minutes or so was out I recieved nothing but a couple of slight scratches, now recovering; my friend just loose a few hairs here and there, the surroundings were untouched, our cloths were untouched, the only thing that had changed was the experience gain, the scene? of maybe good versus evil; the will to live versus the pain of life? It was never certain, perhaps another play in life to enjoy when we think of it back, for me it was a test whether I am afraid to die. My answer I have no more fear of death just the fear of failure now. It doesn't mean I'll just off a cliff to prove that. It just means I can choose to put down my life at any time.

Some time ago someone close told me a glimpse of who I am inside. He said I'm not the person who wants help even there's help nearby. To that I agree. I never wanted help nor to showoff; all I wanted is to live up to my name, my standards alone; even there's people around to talk to, even how crappy my days are I'll look to no one for help unless it is offered unconditionally, cause I might never to be able to pay one back for the good she/ he had done for me. Because of this, no matter how many times I'm wash off I'll do my best to stand, no matter how shabby, broken, or dry I become, or what the reason be I'll do my best to stand. With methods learned through my theories and experiences it's at time best let me live my best even till I'm destroyed for I have no other purpose than to live everyday in sorrow or pain.

Well, that's my story so far. I'll be writing soon if I have anything.

2007-08-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

Day by day sleep has passed me,
my waking hours haunts of sins and regretfulness,
Time drags on as I silently wait for the moon to pass it shift,
My words become little;
my mind lesser by lesser an angel;
my desire corrupt;
my feelings numb;
my memory fading;
my life force drain;
face pale and haggard

My only longing, conquest or lay perish with what ever that's left of me.

It was like a dream...
What is like a dream?
The life I lived, the days that had passed...
You are still living in the shadow of your past...
Maybe...
Why?
I don't know
You are afraid to lose someone?
Maybe
You were hurt and in agonizing pain with no one but me to hear your cry
I can't afford to...to ask for help
Why?
Cause it'll be a trouble and burden to others and further more, I am a soldier, I am expected to work things out myself without the help of others.
You can always ask for my help, after all we are the ones who suffer people's thoughts and actions.
...
Funny isn't it? You who restrain me can't even safe yourself or spare yourself.
...
or you are just afraid to live?
maybe
I'm sick and tired of the games you played; of the things you sacrifies but recieve none!
Does it matter anymore now that we're here?
No...it's just too late we have not realized it earlier.
A sad memory of life indeed.
No, a beautiful memory of what so cherish in life ripped away so comfortingly painful; so lovingly rejected.
Nothing really matters anymore, time's a float now..let just rest till another life
Agreed...till then we live again, till then another adventure awaits, another story to tell, another fight worth fighting.

2007-08-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

PERSONALITYY TEST-

Since I'm free with holidays and have nothing good to do I've tried out a few personality test for fun

this one's from: http://www.personalitytest.net/cgi-bin/q.pl

INFPs feel internal turmoil when they find themselves in situations in which there is conflict between their inner code of ethics and their relationships with others. They feel caught between pleasing others and maintaining their own integrity. Their natural tendency to identify with others, compounded with their self-sacrificial dispositions, tends to leave them confused as to who they really are. Their quiet personalities further feeds their feelings of depersonalization. The INFP's quest for self-identity then seems even more alluring — but increasingly impossible to attain.

As with all NFs, the INFP will feel lost and perplexed at stressful times. As stress builds, INFPs become disconnected from their own personality and perceived place in life. They will lose sight of who they are in relation to time and place. They may not make basic observations, while instead they will focus on the more abstract and symbolic meanings of a particular interaction. This can sometimes baffle those who expect more direct communication and a fairly concrete relationship.
Careers

This lists represent careers and jobs people of your type tend to enjoy doing. The job requirements are similar to the personality tendencies of your personality type. It is important to remember that this is not a list of all the jobs possible. And it is very important to remember that people can, and frequently do, fill jobs that are dissimilar to their personality... this happens all the time...and sometimes works out quite well.

information-graphics...designer
college professor
researcher
legal mediator
social worker
holistic health...practitioner
occupational therapist
diversity manager
human resource...development specialist
employment development...specialist
minister/priest/rabbi
missionary
psychologist
writer: poet/novelist
journalist
editor/art director
organizational development...specialist

This is from (I forgot...I accidentally close the thing when I did not copy finish)

You are:
83% Evil
88% Cruel
78% Rebellious

As notorious as you are you still have a very strong sense of caring for others. Your jealousy of love is hidden and it is what makes you cruel and merciless to those that have someone they love.

The following is from: http://www.selectsmart.com/FREE/select.php#results

1 Lost soul - You may be a bit messed up and evil, but it's not your fualt. Perhaps you've just got some skeletons in the cupboard which need unearthing before you become so evil it's irreversible. Or you could just be naturally bad...

2 Rebel - you like to do things your own way and won't let anyone else tell you what to do or how to behave. Personally I wouldn't say that you were that evil, just different.

3 Death Faerie -You crave power and lurve being the top of the food chain. So you bring death and destruction wherever you go, you look good doing it and that's what matters.

The following is from...(it's link is on the pic I think

I just wonder what made me become an old hag so I just switch what I love to drink and I ended up as:

The following is from: http://bbspot.com/News/2003/01/os_quiz.php

You Are 82% Evil

You're the most evil person you know.
The devil is even a little scared of you!

How Evil Are You?

Your Pimp Name Is...

Macktastic Dogg

What's Your Pimp Name?

My name as a girl:

Your Biblical Name Is...

Carmel Lemuela

You will live to see the end of times.

What's Your Biblical Name?

Your Biblical Name Is...

Tobit Shira

You will not live to see the end of times.

What's Your Biblical Name?

Your Biblical Name Is...

Mangena Zayit

You will live to see the end of times.

What's Your Biblical Name?

Your Biblical Name Is...

Lisette Kezia

You will not live to see the end of times.

What's Your Biblical Name?

My name as a guy? (A big question mark here)

Your Biblical Name Is...

Abrasha Chaika

You will not live to see the end of times.

What's Your Biblical Name?

hmmm heres a funny one:

You Are 68% Pure

You're pretty pure, and you have no plans on changing that.
You do have a devilish side though... and it will probably get the better of you.

The 100 Question Purity Test

Your Aura is Red

You have a high level of emotion. This can mean passion, but it can also mean rage.
Usually, you don't take these emotions out on others. You just use them as motivation - and it works!

The purpose of your life: embracing all the wonders of the life, lots of travels, and tons of adventures

Famous reds include: Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Lopez

Careers for you to try: Dancer, Boxer, Surgeon

What Color Is Your Aura?

Never Date a Cancer

Clingy, emotional, and very private - it's hard to escape a Cancer's clutches.
And while Cancer will want to know everything about you, they're anything but open in return.

Instead try dating: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, or Aquarius

What Sign Shouldn't You Date?

2007-08-12T07:46:00.000-07:00

Following up with reproduction I decided to post a graph on the differences of human breeding and how it effects their IQ level and their capacity of other activity in comparative to that of pure breed people. All in use of a bell curve majority and minorities are as labeled below:

This is however from the IQ perspective other criteria is that of similar to that of the IQ development. It seems that cross breed produces a better off spring, at a cost, a cross breed can never be pure breeded as it would result in weaker future generations. However the best result is that any offspring is cross breed with a different crass breed if this continues on the result would be a stronger generation of humans but then again to maintain that generation is still a question of how since cross breed can not be pure and if they are breeded with the pure breed, the genetic advantage would be shorten a little. How is it possible to not loose anything at the last stage of human evolution? any effort would be sending that of which back a few places.

As you would also notice that pure breed people have that of longer tail on both side of the bell curve...so of which the population lies in this category are that of extraordinary beings that superceed that of cross breeding individual but never greater than that of the final stage of human evolution. These individual are either rather blessed with many gifting in one area -geniuses, people who are good in sports and other category of inteligence; or that of born rejects from that of norm -insane individuals and those born with some defects and multiple weaknesses.

This of which some or most of them are only theories of my own, some of which is from various source conclusions are partially of my own, further details could be obtain through google, wikipedia or other sources.

2007-08-10T07:27:00.000-07:00

I'm back here often a bit cause it's a holiday and since I'm single and often at home unlike most of my other friends I'll be writing on somethings that I'm planning or had happened or other boring stuff...but then again ain't the boring stuff that makes things at time amusing? ha ha ha...just ignore that nonsense if you don't understand it. If you are just reading for the poems and other stuff like preaching I haven't been able to think of any cause I'm just blocking my thoughts....every bit of them is making me less sober less able to communicate in words that people understand so yeah I think less do the things I'm told mechanically and get on with my daily routine. The other day few of my friends invited me for massage with some "extra services", since I'm kinda free I thought why not? cause I had nothing on and I had no one to spend the money on so my as well be happy and enjoy. I push all the thoughts of reasoning and religious knowledge behind my head not wanting to know what it cause and effects cause it's some thing that can finally get me some where with some of the greatest people I know.

Other than that, it's just that I'm tired of lusting and trying my best killing my feelings that is nearly the same as lust, jealousy and envy. Everyday I look at other people more fortunate than I am and wonder is different great? is having control of yourself great? Is living by what you believe in great even though the reward never seems to be there? It's faith...it's some self control and some knowledge and wisdom that makes me different than other and lotsa guts. People who never knew me can tell I'm very different than the rest...dang Lester he looked at me just as everyone did and know that I'm different and knows precisely at what way...Other just look at me and bet that I'm a Christian right away. Is that a good thing? Frankly for me ...NO! It's like people whom I don't know know me and restrict me to boundaries...I never like boundaries, I'm also living, I'm also human...I break free if I have to no law or constitution of any kind can break me...maybe they can maybe they can just try and I would just die. Some times, after helping advising other on a case of suicide I ask myself isn't better just to die than facing all the nonsense and decision task everyday? Being cursed at for the right decisions, being yelled at for standing firm, being treated like a dog defending others? It makes no difference that those wrong decisions, it is as it the wrong pays better results. "Does the right makes who am I, or does what gets me where makes who am I?"

To cut to the chase here I was uncertain of what to make till yeah I was advised not to go for the services but then again no one would ever knew other than God if I did went or not. But that's my decision. Now I wonder was there to be debated of which the pros and cons of going? That's up to you. JZ and WQ would love those but then again they'll always start by branding me insane...heh heh heh...some things never change. Now diseases can be prevented through the uses of condoms though there are some percentage of leakage of vagina fluid may sip in but then again the fact that AIDS can be transfer through vaginal fluid is not really a solid fact.

Having sex releases tension and gives pleasure, it's well known fact but then again some people would not enjoy sex cause it's just not their thing. Sex releases a hormone that makes one sweat healthily by expelling most of the stress hormones and majority of bodily waste cleansing the pores of the skin, this is an unconfirmed fact even after many articles I read and so on I still leave some doubt about it. The fact that sleeping with some one before marriage is wrong, it is in fact written, but what about if one never gets married...is it wrong? Sex outside marriage make one cheap, it makes the one who does it for the money cheaper? Love for some one appearance and not the inside makes one cheaper than the ones who only cared about their appearances? isn't it the same? Love some one for the looks or for their inside? One of which involved no sex after marriage choose one. Personal opinion no right and wrong...for those who know me better no text book answer would be best.

Some facts I stumbled upond:
Some non-virgins can still bleed after sex
A hymen is not a reliable proof of virginity as some of them just fall backwards without tearing even after sex
A women can have multiple orgasm
A women have minimum of 3 orgasm points-breat, clit, and g-spot two of which give hights probability of vaginal fluid "ejaculation"
A women need a way shorter rest period than that of men to be arouse again

Quotations:
To live is to conquer; to conquer those who are divine and immortal with dreams unimaginable
Lead through conquest and fear, through cruelty and force is the only way pf which people would follow and learn to think for themselves through their will to live
Through generosity and kindness is a leader of which everyone is willing to follow; ironically, corruption and spinelessness always follow
Through pain people learn to live; through softness people can only hope to die without learning the meaning of life
Fight to stand...not to live; if you live on but fall you are better off dead
Live through corruption and you may live longer; be different the river will kill
Time is at hand it's whether or not we can control it or not
The mind is a dangerous thing; like fire, without control it kills; play with it too much it is as wild fire spreading fast and killing mercilessly
The little things in life is often taken for granted as people go after the "greater things but it is to say the littl things in life brings and makes the greater things in life more appreciative
The term evil does not exist in politics it is to say what one is willing to do for the better and greater good of the society

2007-08-07T09:09:00.000-07:00

I wonder of the meaning of freedom when people do not know how to use it; of peace if there bitterness and hatred on the inside; of the law if it was not meant to be obeyed, followed or implemented wisely. How would an idiot given all power by everyone be able to govern, lead and enforce anything? How can people living pretend to be the blind, deaf, dumb and retard and place such insolent fools to manage a matter? If to force is wrong so does to learn things from mistakes, since people learn thing through mistakes by force if force and control is wrong so does the existence of law and religion as guide line to one's life due to enforcement and discipline that in one way "forces" one to conform. With that spoken? How is it that the democracy not be afraid of the people's voice when charged with wrath? How does a leader remain blind and unwilling to right his wrongs? Does existence give people a reason to be different and to improve or does it just spell everyone is similar to one another? Do people ever question the norm or do they just follow blindly leading their simple lives? Is it then lawful to remain silent and discreet of a matter far beyond the heights of everest in fear of death? Is there ever a future for those living insane for their believes, hopes and dreams that their dreams would come one day? Is their effort all put to dust and nothing more since they are but foolish people who hold such dreams? Are dreams not part of our daily life that makes it colorful and beautiful? Are dreams not that of which keeps people moving and different? Is differences ever governed by peace understanding and acceptance? or does it bear grudges, hatred, and slander? If everyone marches uniformly without questions and without individuality, is there a world in the first place? Is there the existence of the word special that birth the word "love"? If the word love is such a strong thing why then it not break chains and barriers? Or is there the word love weaved into the word hatred, racism and judgmentalism? Does not these contrast with the word hate when it is for defense and protection and for love? Why is it killing for the ones you love not a sin when it is written as one of the greatest sin since it takes away lives that is given? Does the word given meant to pass ownership on to or to just give today and take back tomorrow? IS there not a string differences of lust and love? why then does heart rate increasing when looking at an attractive person, or thinking and dreaming of that person associated with love not lust? Is there ever a valid reason? Is that one of the reason why one chooses to live not die? Or are they just afraid of the uncertainty of death? Either that, or they are just living on the will to live just as I am? So then if one has the will to live or the fear of death does one ever make a choice to kill fear or to avoid it till one day they are face to face with it? Or Do they use their will to keep the ones around them alive or the generations after them alive for the good of the future?...(my thoughts go on) here's a picture that describes me, the way I think and the opinions I get.

2007-08-05T23:59:00.000-07:00

I some times wonder if effort of trying to help the poor is ever worth the while, it just seems the strong would always triumph and it's a fact. If we ever tried to define the fact we are just trying to fool ourself thinking a foolish though. It's not like I'm against the whole concept on helping the weaker but rather every time when I help, there's never anything to guard my back making me, the weaker always being trash by the stronger, so now should I help others or myself?Justify my actions to be taken in 350 < x words, cause and effect.

2007-08-05T23:11:00.000-07:00

Life just sucks this few days....everyday is scolding day...it's pointless and endless....now I have a mom who pops out from nowhere just to spy on my com...it's really pissing....I can't write about anything except about all my crappy days. But as they say every cloud has it's silver lining so I'll be telling you about yesterday...a day unlike any other day.

Church was as usual...everything was good but I could not be bothered much. I was wondering my whole mind away thinking of God's existence and debating with my self about it. Maybe I was feeling unworthy but then again it is just maybe I'm filled with jealousy and hatred on a certian matter of my sucky life.

Which ever the reason was I paid little attention during worship. What struck me the most was the message by Steve, hmmm....more like him sharing about his life about the scars and pains and how he wish that he was caught by the police. I'm not much different...but except to compare to him what's I'm doing just seems far easier, his life has many adventures, my was just boring no matter how much I try to make a fun part of it. Steve was one of the very few great guys I admire who admits he was burned out but still he knows he has a job to do for God. Me? I'm just praying to die but half heartedly cause of my damn curiosity of "what life has hold for me" that always gets the better of me. Some time I just wish I die of a heart attack out of the blue even though I'm healthy, that'll be the greatest miracle I can wish for right now after looking back of all the wrong in my life and of how many things and opportunity lost due to wrong course of actions.

I never liked being prayed for in an area where there are many people because I just never liked the attention. Many who know me knows that I am no religious person, neither am I a guy who just let people leave with the word faith and miracles on their mind. Maybe it's because of how I am treated that's why I rejected this things or rather place a doubt on them or maybe it's just me with hours and hours of insanity questions and thoughts leaking through my mind, which ever it may be it's a story best left untold , in this case it won't change anything even if I told anyone cause no one ever understands. People who normally claim they would gave me an answer far different than what I went through my thoughts are just for laughs and nothing more. To live I normally just adept thoughts of the norm and just project it to others as they want to view. Ti is always pointless to have an idea or a thought that's only worth jeering and laughing.

Anyway, what was great was that of Bacon House Sri Inai's musical we went to , titled "The King and I". An hour before it started my friend, his girlfriend and I went for some light dinner. It was a humiliating time for me trying to fight of my barbaric style of eating to give a better self portrait to others. Well, either way my effort was put to waste when I could no longer sustain myself and gobble down most of the left overs on the table. Well, I hope it was not that bad on my friends side (his girl lost her appetite...I could not blame her...it was my fault for being hungry all the time). By the time we had done out eating we went for the bills (the food was not worth the price) and we fought over it till we nearly tore our wallets paying the cash...his girlfriend was just laughing and people were looking at us with question marks seemingly poping out of their heads.

We got to the musical on time at the civics hall, their performance were life, no recordings so there were some minor errors here and there but overall it was excellent. The king was as the king in Siam should be, except that he wasn't bald...heh heh heh.....their acts and lines were very much well rehearse, props well done, I can roughly say Bacon House did a well done job....far greater than the former owner of Sir Inai (some fat ass rich Datuk bastard). The thing that surprices me most is that how much the people I know had gown and how mush most of them has changed. ha ha ha...thought the exceptions are still as expected but still I find them annoying but not to give them a chase this time due to my time relaxing. Anyway, it was a good time.

As for some of my friends going to overseas I wish them all the best, As for the concert...I might be coming back next year.

2007-07-29T20:15:00.000-07:00

Playing with my katana one day I figure of a saying of which I came through some time ago, it speak of "a sword can cut both ways". Cutting through the wood I reflected on my life of how I made so many mistakes of which some of the experiments and experience I wished I could undo to rid of the harm that is done to both me and the other party, but then, I could not fully wish for that to happen because the actions of which I had taken birth consequences that teaches. Actions that some times like a sword cutting through its target either breaking them with splinters flying about hurting the sword's wielder/ spiting the targets perfectly without any additional harm done to the wielder is up to the skills of that who uses the sword. If you have a bad control over the sword it not only functions less effectively but also it will hurt you badly at times, a case which liken this is feelings and emotions of both which I spend part of my years studying and playing with them - drowning some of them with the opposite of each other (- like, love, crush and the feeling of "high" against that of which we call hate, cruelty, and that of malice), enforcing them with another similar or indirect feelings, or emotions (love, fear, and hatred of a certain consequences brings fierce loyalty; fear, jealousy, hatred, and cruelty enforces one another bringing out the words that describes "evil" sadistic, heartless, vengeful , and tyranny).

I messed up people's life and it kinda hit hard back on me, some times I wonder if it's worth seeing people's true colors or it is better to just watch them as they are. Playing skillfully of the mask they have on themselves. But I'm always tempted...I have my selfish needs and wants and I never like letting anything I set my eyes and heart on go. Maybe I'm a devil; maybe I'm a guardian angel but what ever it is I care not of the dances in life which sends me a far as long as it held the end of my bargain.